Mindy and Max's True Life Blog

The Fearless Coping of ADHD, A soon-to-be First Grader, Single Motherhood and Life. Not just any life…our life. And, we wouldn't change a thing.

Maybe The Fish Are Right. November 23, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Occupational Therapy,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 9:43 pm
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I am thinking that maybe Guppies got it right. They have sex constantly, I mean a male guppy can rub up against a female and “bam!”, there it was. She may not have noticed a thing, but he rolled over and is fast asleep. It’s like a handshake. I challenge anyone of the three people who still follow my blog to say they get “too much” sex.

Then there’s the “no real career-but to swim around the tank” thing, which I find quite chill. They are like Geisha’s, only there to look pretty and in return kept safe, fed and clean. Little whores.

But the thing that gets me, the thing that I really think they’ve got a handle on is when they have their babies. See, they pop them put and eat them faster than you can say “It’s a bo….”. Gulp. Ah, that was delicious. And now I know why!

Because Motherhood is hard. Motherhood can make you insane. But, most of all, Motherhood will break your heart every single day for the rest of your life. Because a heart, at least my heart, wasn’t made big enough to hold all the love I feel for this child. The love has started to bleed out to other organs who have stepped up to the plate to pick up the slack. My brain, lungs, stomach, liver and soul have done double shifts and I am exhausted. But every night, I go to sleep with a smile on my face. Because every day is going to be better than the one before. And every day he is going to get closer and closer to the beautiful man I can’t wait to meet. Damn, I can’t wait to meet that guy.

Until then, I will look into renting out a storage pod to hold all the love overflow. Maybe I should get two.

 

Happy Marriage? August 15, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 1:21 am
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Three of my closest friends are in three of the most unhappy marriages I have ever seen. I wonder why they stay, Yes, I think about the “kids” but I also think about three beautiful, intelligent and unique people that I love who are choking in product placement.

I don’t think I was ready the first time to get married. I am not sure I even am now. It’s an invitation to a party I don’t wish to go to. Maybe I never will. Doesn’t mean I can’t love. Doesn’t mean I don’t love.

 

Max, this is my wish for you…. July 5, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 8:05 pm
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Fireworks, 2010

Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Gentle hugs when spirits sag,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Faith so that you can believe,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
And love to complete your life.
Always love, always and with everything.

Max, you were right about the stars. Each one is a setting sun. (more…)

 

Top Ten Reasons To Stop Max’s Strattera… July 5, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love — Mindy Hester @ 9:57 am
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My sweet, kind, loving little man.

My sweet, kind, loving little man. I want him back.

1. I hate you, Mommy!
2. I wish you would go to the hospital and DIE!
3. You are the stupidest Mom, EVER!
4. I hate this house!
5. I hate my life, it is the worst life anyone could ever have, I wish I wasn’t alive.
6. I can’t do it, I can’t do anything right, I am so stupid!
7. I have no friends, nobody wants to be my friend.
8. I HATE YOU MOMMY!!! (add kick, bite, spit and hit)
9. I have the stupidest most boring life ever.
10. I am so sad….Mommy, why am I always so sad?

These past 2 1/2 weeks have been a nightmare, a sad and terrifying B-movie where some very angry and frustrated alien being has taken over my son’s body and mind. I want to help my son so badly, there is nothing I wouldn’t try. So when his doctor suggested a non-stimulant, I said let’s give it a go. I thought to myself that if we can aliviate his ADHD symptoms, help him bear some of his Sensory Processing “quirks” and get him to eat and sleep WITHOUT having to take Speed everyday, then I’m in.

Reality Check: This round of medication has been the worst yet. The side effects are horrifying. I have cried, screamed, laughed and at times felt so overloaded with emotion I felt like a crashed computer. Thank you to my close friends and family who have seen us through this. This “experiment” with the non-stimulant ADHD drug Strattera is OVER. Bring back the crack! I want my son back.

From the Official Strattera Website www.strattera.com:

” In some children and teens, Strattera increases the risk of suicidal thoughts. A combined analysis of 12 studies of Strattera showed that in children and teens, 4 out of every 1000 patients developed suicidal thoughts, although no suicides occurred. A similar analysis in adults treated with Strattera did not reveal an increased risk of suicidal thoughts. Call your doctor right away if your child has thoughts of suicide or sudden changes in mood or behavior, especially at the beginning of treatment or after a change in dose. Tell your doctor about any family history of bipolar illness (manic-depressive illness) or suicidal thoughts or actions before starting Strattera. Call the doctor right away if your child develops new psychological symptoms such as abnormal thoughts/behaviors and/or extreme elevated or irritable moods while taking Strattera.

Really? No shit.

Oh, and P.S……..it doesn’t work.

 

Funeral For A Friend Indeed! Toot! Toot! July 1, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Uncategorized — Mindy Hester @ 10:14 pm
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RIP Thomas The Tank Engine

Yesterday Max came up to me while I was doing some gardening and said “Mommy, I need your help. I want to bury something.” So, I said “OK, what do you want to bury, is it the cat? Because we talked about this before and I told you what would happen.” He said “No, it’s not the cat. Or the Dog. But, It’s something very special to me and I have to let it go”. He is 6 years old. Six year old’s don’t talk like my kid talks, they don’t FEEL the kind of emotional depth that my kid feels. He’s like a little Buddha, I swear he inspires the hell out of me.

So, I start to dig the hole and he goes into the house to get this special “thing” that he needs to “let go”. (Sorry for all the quotation marks) It’s hot, I dig, I don’t mind because I am thinking to myself that this is gonna be good. Real good.

He walk out carrying his Thomas The Tank Engine original train, cradling it like it had accidentally drown in the tub and he was in shock at what he beheld. He was so tender and gentle, he laid Thomas down in the hole I had dug and quietly asked me to fill it in. I did, as he stood by and watched in silence. When Thomas was good and buried I said “Max, tell Mommy why you wanted to…” ….only to be interrupted by him as he shuushed me. He said “Mom, there is something I’d like to say. Thomas, Thank you for being my friend and playing with me for so many years. But, I am a big boy now, and it’s time that we say goodbye. So goodbye. Now I am going to play with Star Wars Jedi’s and that’s what big boys do. I will miss you.” I am speechless and wishing that I had a video camera on me at ALL TIMES, because this kid does some wild shit. He said “Mommy, would you like to say a few words?”. Can you believe this shit! So, I say” Thomas, thanks for making my boy so happy. But, I guess he’s growing up now and it’s time to move on. Rest in peace, and thanks for the memories”. Max put a flower on Thomas’ “grave” and declared himself a BIG BOY.

I told the BIG BOY that now that things are different and he has buried his “Baby-dom”, he needs to step up to the plate around the house. First thing on the list? Go take out the garbage.

Growing up, what a trip.

 

The Tank Of Death: A Human Analogy June 26, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 4:44 pm
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Hello my friends, family, strangers and those just passing through on their way to something more important. This is my first post in quite some time and I need to write it. Things have been rough, I mean not “death, disease and famine” rough, but rough none the less. I’m a single Mom of a 6 year old amazing little man who just happens to have ADHD and some sensory issues. That is definitely NOT what he is all about. If you’ve read this blog before, you may very well know that we have tried a multitude of different medications and therapies, some worked while others didn’t. At the moment, we are into our second week with the non-stimulant Straterra. Yeah, it’s true what they all say about the non-stimulants…….they do not work. But, I am willing to give it some more time, because at this point I am willing to do just about anything for this little boy.

The Tank Of Death analogy is about me. I have a hobby keeping guppies, and I won this great new tank at my favorite fish store, Fish Planet in Deerfield. I set it up, let it cycle (fish talk for “let it settle”) and added some fish which immediately died. This goes on for weeks, I add fish, they die, I go see Steve at Fish Planet, he gives me some magic potion which I use, fish still die, I get new fish, they die…….you see where this is going. It was The Tank Of Death. I tried everything, but still it killed all who touched it’s waters. Meanwhile, I don’t notice that between all this stress with Max, work, money…yada yada…I have retreated into myself again and have stopped talking. Not your normal everyday talking, but really “talking” to anyone. The wall was up, it was keeping me propped up against it and as long as I stayed upright and breathing I was going to be okay. But, I wasn’t okay. The stress of my life was getting to me and turning me toxic. My thoughts were becoming toxic. I started to yell. I hate to yell. I hated what I felt like.

Steve at Fish Planet finally gave me the plan to cleanse the Tank Of Death once and for all. Take out all living items, Add 1/2 cup of pure bleach, let it filter overnight, add a dechlorinate and that should rid the tank of what was making it so toxic. I did it. I added the bleach, I let it run for 24 hours and when the time was up my TOD (Tank of Death) had blossomed into a TOL (Tank of Life). It now thrives. And, in the process of ridding evil from my tank I decided that it was time to rid it from me. I decided to meditate on something the Buddha had once said ..

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly”

Funny thing, it worked. Take a deep breath, make a decision and then do it. An attitude adjustment doesn’t require bleach or chemicals, just kind, positive thoughts. And hope. A full cup of hope.

 

Idol Worship April 7, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:09 pm
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I teach guitar on Tuesday nights at a studio in my house. I love it. I love that they come to me, that’s the best part. I used to go to them and what a pain that was. But, enough about me. Let’s talk about American Idol.

Last night I finished teaching, made myself some dinner and sat down in front of the TV (something I rarely do lately) and found myself watching American Idol (something I NEVER do). Sure, I watched the first few seasons but when they crowned Carrie Underwood an American Idol I lost my stamina. I gave up and stopped caring.It’s a popularity contest, not a talent contest. But, last night they were doing the songs of Lennon and McCartney so I decided to hang around and watch some 20 something “musicians” butcher some of the greatest songs ever written. Which they did. I hope Paul wasn’t watching.The kid at the end singing “Hey Jude” made my stomach turn. But, I regress. That is not why I am writing this post.

I am writing because the gloriously, perfectly alien-like Ryan Seacrest announces at the end of the show that they are looking for the first ever “American Idol Mom”. All I heard was you got to be over 21 and you have to be a Mom so I stood and proclaimed “That’s Me!” at the top of my lungs. Visions of Hollywood danced through my head as I milled over what I would sing for my audition. Should I do something current and poppy like an acoustic “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga? Or should I stick with my roots and pull out a mean “Bobby McGee”? They mentioned a website, I must go on that website and get this ball rolling. My public needs me, they are aching for me.

Reality is never as sexy as fantasy.

It’s a fucking SWEEPSTAKE! Yeah, joke is on me. Whatever. I got over it quickly, truthfully I don’t think the world is ready for my brand of genius. But, I kept reading. To enter this contest you have to write an essay of 300 words or less about why you deserve to be the Idol Mom, all the great things you’ve done, the demands of raising a child, the hardships and mountains you have climbed to get to the place you are now…blah, blah, blah. This is the kind of essay that someone else writes ABOUT you, not that you write by yourself and for yourself. If you write it yourself you may quickly fall into the “Look How Great I Am”, “I Have Been Through Hell And Back And Come Out The Other Side” kind of “Toot Toot (my own horn)” essay. But, being the fledgling writer that I am I decided to take on the challenge and give it a shot. These people need to be convinced that I deserve the free make-over and 2 tickets to the American Idol Finale in LA. I had to make my story sound desperate, filled with hardship and spirit. It should appear as a series of emotional and social hurdles that I clawed my way over with my bloodied fingernails. It would be bleak, but still be dotted with moments of hope and bliss that can make you cry and laugh at the same time. It would be brilliant.

I would need to get out the Thesaurus for this one.

And I did. And I thought about my plight to raise this “difficult” amazing kid, my struggles as a single Mom, my financial disparity and overall station in this world. And this is what I came up with. Ready?

I got it pretty good. Actually, I have no complaints, no sob story to tell, no great struggle to describe and begin to tug at the heartstrings of the random people who are “judging” this stupid contest. I realized for the first time in a while that I have got it made, and that despite an occasional gripe or beef, I couldn’t produce the kind of essay that would win this contest. I may need a vacation more than I need coffee in the morning, but there is someone out there whose got it worse. I take a step back and can see that despite the ADHD, despite being malignantly single, despite digging out spare change from the cushions of my couch just to put gas in the car…well, being me is all good. Being Max’s Mom trumps all the bad stuff, and I am truly grateful for what I have. I am a Mom Idol, I am Max’s Mom Idol. And, I know that sounds hokey and cliche but once you realize how important your job is, the sooner your internal volcano sleeps. And when that happens, everything falls into place. I can’t imagine anything better than seeing this boy turn into a man. It’s simple. It’s unconditional love. It’s Motherhood. It’s priceless.

Oh…best of luck to the other “American Idol Mom” contestants. Part of the prize money gets donated to a charity of your choice, $5000 to be exact. I suggest you choose any program that helps keep music in our schools. Let’s get our kids off Guitar Hero and on to playing the real thing. Music inspires, teaches and comforts us. After being Max’s Mom, it’s my next great love.

Goodnight all.

 

Mother’s Day March 27, 2010

Filed under: Love,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 8:43 pm
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at the beach 2009

My #1 Guy.


Today’s the Fourth of July.
Another June has gone by.
And when they light up my town I just think what a waste of gunpowder and sky.

I’m certain I am alone.
And harboring thoughts of our home.
It’s one of my faults that I can’t quell my past, I ought to have gotten it gone.

Oh, baby, I wonder if when you are older, someday.
You’ll wake up, and say “My God!” I should have told her. What would it take.
But, now here I am and the world’s gotten colder.
And she’s got the river, down which I sold her.

Always reminds me of myself, my adoption, my birth mother and what she must have gone through to give up her baby. I can’t imagine. I was just thinking of her tonight. We lost touch. I’m not sure if she’s even still here. Might as well take the chance, huh? Deborah Bean, Columbus Ohio.

Goodnight to all the amazing Mom’s out there, who inspire me to be a better woman, a better person and a better Mom.

 

Something To Write About March 3, 2010

Filed under: Love — Mindy Hester @ 9:50 pm
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Weeks ago I made some kind of half-ass “promise” to try to write something new on this blog everyday. This idea immediately shattered when I encountered writers block, or the “nothing new to say” defense. Things with Max were going well. We are back on Focalin (for frequent readers Focalin turned my son into a 5-year-old version of Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard), but we figured to give it a chance one more time was worth a shot before switching over to the non-stimulant medications. The dramatic breakdowns and over the top emotional events are few and far between and he is both eating and sleeping (with a little help from our pal Melatonin). His mood is even and happy, he is getting along with his friends and getting great comments from school. Things are good. Things are balanced. And , in my opinion, that makes for some damn boring blogging. I mean, I have been meaning to write. It’s not like NOTHING is going on. Max and I had a very important out-of-town guest, I got fungal pneumonia, I bought 2 new pair of shoes at DSW and started using the WEN Haircare System (you know, that infomercial). My car, a Lexus made by Toyota, was recalled and had to be taken in, My amazing son passed his first Tae Kwon Do Testing and is now a yellow belt (video and pics in tomorrow’s post) and got 2 new Guppies to add to the brood. I guess you could say I DID have stuff to write about, i just thought no one would be very interested in reading it.

But, this morning that all changed when I logged on to FUCKING Facebook to discover yet again through this social media juggernaut that a close friend who has touched my life has passed away. This is the second time in just a matter of months that Facebook has delivered this news to me. It’s so sad and impersonal. Almost like reading about your deepest darkest secret on a billboard. I was equally angry and heartbroken at the same time. I equally loathed Facebook for turning us all into “status updates” and occasional “news posts” while at the same time I thanked it for bringing me back together with friends I wouldn’t have been able to find without it. My friend, my sweet kind and dear friend David died and I am numb. He was always like a little boy, fighting a great big dragon with a rubber sword. And this time he lost. And goddamn did he put up a good fight. But “a Dragon lives forever, but not so little boys. And painted wings and flying rings make way for other joys.” I knew I could have gone without the Puff The Magic Dragon reference, but I’m in a childlike and nostalgic place tonight. Rest in peace my friend. Save me a seat at the bar.

Each year brings us new opportunities to strengthen our connection to the universe,

and to each other,

and to play our part in this miracle we call life.

Tonight I celebrate you, and all you bring to the world.

Goodnight.

 

Guppy Killer, Qu’est Que C’est? February 15, 2010

Filed under: Love — Mindy Hester @ 10:31 pm
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For those just tuning in to the show, I’d like to reintroduce myself to you. My name is Mindy, I am a 40 year-old single Mom to a 5-year-old beautiful boy with ADHD, a musician and addicted blogger. I am also, as of 2 nights ago, a homicidal maniac. I didn’t make it to the homicide part, thank the fucking Gods, but sure got right up there to the front of the line of mental unsoundness. And it’s all because of a personality trait I thought I had stockpiled over the years. Something people have always complimented me for, wondered in awe at my never-ending supply. That trait is PATIENCE.

But about a week ago I noticed one of my female guppies growing larger and showing the signs of soon delivering her load. (Add “fish” geek to the list of “geeks” that I am, including Star Wars, knitting, Duran Duran and Wes Anderson movies). I love my fancy guppies, they are beautiful and I care deeply for them. They all are named after Star Wars characters, and Padme is the guppy in question this evening. She was bursting at the seams, so I put her in one of those breeder boxes and just watched and waited. I literally just sat there and watched for an entire week as this poor fish swam back and forth in this horrible 8X4 inch prison. My nose pressed to the glass I was obsessed. My eyes were fixated on this fish’s ass and I couldn’t look away, not even blink, for fear of missing the chance of seeing a little baby fish swim out of her butt. It was insanity. Days passed, hours passed…and then my insanity exploded.It took on a life of its own and said…… I JUST CAN’T WAIT ANY LONGER!!!

So on to Google I go, “How to induce fish labor?” I ask. The results gave me hope, and I started to do all the techniques- ALL the techniques. Raise the temperature of the water to 73-75 degrees? Well, sure, but why not 80. Add a tablespoon of Epsom Salts to the tank to relax the fish? Why not 2 tablespoon, maybe even three, like a fish epidural if you will. Sometimes a bit of Aquarium Salt helps, so I pickled that tank like they do the big Kosher one’s in the jar at Max & Benny’s. I lit candles, played music…..NOTHING!!!! And then…..something. Like a little ball, rolling out with eyes. But, it wasn’t alive, you see. Neither were the other 33 little balls that followed. The thing is, I may have been ready for Padme to have her babies, but Padme was not. And neither were her babies.

“I prayed to God to give me patience, and he gave me a traffic jam”. I heard that once and it has stuck in my head on a loop since I played God that night to this fish. Padme is fine, and actually 5 of the babies survived. But, Mindy needs to slow down. Mindy needs to focus all this manic energy on helping Max, not performing fish abortions. Sometimes I forget the healthy pace life is supposed to clip around at and I move to fast, think too fast and act impulsively. I hope to teach my son to stop and think about the consequences of his actions, and I hope I listen to my own advice. Tonight, I sleep with the fishes.

 

 
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