Mindy and Max's True Life

about coping with ADHD, single motherhood and unconditional love for your child.

God Is More Than Just Dog Spelled Backwards April 17, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 2:28 pm
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Max wrote a story for a Young Author’s competition being held at school. The instructions said that I should type the story word for word as he told it to me, which I did. This is his story:

Once upon a time God was just hanging around up in the sky. That’s where he lives, way high up in the sky past the birds and everything. He didn’t have anything to do that day and he was bored. He heard a big noise that went like “BOOM”. It scared him. There were space rocks dropping on his home. And God said “I have to make the Sun work”, because nobody was controlling the Sun. Then he had to make the Moon work too. Then he made Earth.

A little boy down on Earth said “Who is God?”. His Mommy said “He’s a powerful man, and he made us and he controls the Sun, the Moon and the Earth. He made all the planets and that’s all I know.” his Mom said. The little boy wanted to know more so he asked his Dad. His Dad said “He’s a powerful man, he’s very strong and he made us and every planet in the whole system in outer space and that’s all I know.” The little boy wanted to know more so he went to his cousin’s house and he asked one of his cousins “Do you know who God is?”. His cousin said “No, I don’t know anything about God. Go ask Grandpa.”.

So the little boy went to see his Grandpa, he called his Mom to drive him there. He asked his Grandpa the same question and his Grandpa said “I only know one answer to that question. And here it is. He lives in you”. And the Grandpa pointed to the little boys heart and said “God may live up in the sky, but he’s always in you too. Right here.”

The little boy went home that night and looked outside his window and he noticed the stars and one was shaped like a heart and God was holding it out to him. So, he went to sleep holding his heart-shaped star.

Up in the sky God said “Goodnight, to everybody in the world.”

by Max Jacobs

 

Idol Worship April 7, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:09 pm
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I teach guitar on Tuesday nights at a studio in my house. I love it. I love that they come to me, that’s the best part. I used to go to them and what a pain that was. But, enough about me. Let’s talk about American Idol.

Last night I finished teaching, made myself some dinner and sat down in front of the TV (something I rarely do lately) and found myself watching American Idol (something I NEVER do). Sure, I watched the first few seasons but when they crowned Carrie Underwood an American Idol I lost my stamina. I gave up and stopped caring.It’s a popularity contest, not a talent contest. But, last night they were doing the songs of Lennon and McCartney so I decided to hang around and watch some 20 something “musicians” butcher some of the greatest songs ever written. Which they did. I hope Paul wasn’t watching.The kid at the end singing “Hey Jude” made my stomach turn. But, I regress. That is not why I am writing this post.

I am writing because the gloriously, perfectly alien-like Ryan Seacrest announces at the end of the show that they are looking for the first ever “American Idol Mom”. All I heard was you got to be over 21 and you have to be a Mom so I stood and proclaimed “That’s Me!” at the top of my lungs. Visions of Hollywood danced through my head as I milled over what I would sing for my audition. Should I do something current and poppy like an acoustic “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga? Or should I stick with my roots and pull out a mean “Bobby McGee”? They mentioned a website, I must go on that website and get this ball rolling. My public needs me, they are aching for me.

Reality is never as sexy as fantasy.

It’s a fucking SWEEPSTAKE! Yeah, joke is on me. Whatever. I got over it quickly, truthfully I don’t think the world is ready for my brand of genius. But, I kept reading. To enter this contest you have to write an essay of 300 words or less about why you deserve to be the Idol Mom, all the great things you’ve done, the demands of raising a child, the hardships and mountains you have climbed to get to the place you are now…blah, blah, blah. This is the kind of essay that someone else writes ABOUT you, not that you write by yourself and for yourself. If you write it yourself you may quickly fall into the “Look How Great I Am”, “I Have Been Through Hell And Back And Come Out The Other Side” kind of “Toot Toot (my own horn)” essay. But, being the fledgling writer that I am I decided to take on the challenge and give it a shot. These people need to be convinced that I deserve the free make-over and 2 tickets to the American Idol Finale in LA. I had to make my story sound desperate, filled with hardship and spirit. It should appear as a series of emotional and social hurdles that I clawed my way over with my bloodied fingernails. It would be bleak, but still be dotted with moments of hope and bliss that can make you cry and laugh at the same time. It would be brilliant.

I would need to get out the Thesaurus for this one.

And I did. And I thought about my plight to raise this “difficult” amazing kid, my struggles as a single Mom, my financial disparity and overall station in this world. And this is what I came up with. Ready?

I got it pretty good. Actually, I have no complaints, no sob story to tell, no great struggle to describe and begin to tug at the heartstrings of the random people who are “judging” this stupid contest. I realized for the first time in a while that I have got it made, and that despite an occasional gripe or beef, I couldn’t produce the kind of essay that would win this contest. I may need a vacation more than I need coffee in the morning, but there is someone out there whose got it worse. I take a step back and can see that despite the ADHD, despite being malignantly single, despite digging out spare change from the cushions of my couch just to put gas in the car…well, being me is all good. Being Max’s Mom trumps all the bad stuff, and I am truly grateful for what I have. I am a Mom Idol, I am Max’s Mom Idol. And, I know that sounds hokey and cliche but once you realize how important your job is, the sooner your internal volcano sleeps. And when that happens, everything falls into place. I can’t imagine anything better than seeing this boy turn into a man. It’s simple. It’s unconditional love. It’s Motherhood. It’s priceless.

Oh…best of luck to the other “American Idol Mom” contestants. Part of the prize money gets donated to a charity of your choice, $5000 to be exact. I suggest you choose any program that helps keep music in our schools. Let’s get our kids off Guitar Hero and on to playing the real thing. Music inspires, teaches and comforts us. After being Max’s Mom, it’s my next great love.

Goodnight all.

 

An Obituary. April 3, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Love,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 12:31 pm
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In Loving Memory…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their own children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home, and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled some in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Thanks to my Dad for his undying common sense.

 

Mother’s Day March 27, 2010

Filed under: Love,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 8:43 pm
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at the beach 2009

My #1 Guy.


Today’s the Fourth of July.
Another June has gone by.
And when they light up my town I just think what a waste of gunpowder and sky.

I’m certain I am alone.
And harboring thoughts of our home.
It’s one of my faults that I can’t quell my past, I ought to have gotten it gone.

Oh, baby, I wonder if when you are older, someday.
You’ll wake up, and say “My God!” I should have told her. What would it take.
But, now here I am and the world’s gotten colder.
And she’s got the river, down which I sold her.

Always reminds me of myself, my adoption, my birth mother and what she must have gone through to give up her baby. I can’t imagine. I was just thinking of her tonight. We lost touch. I’m not sure if she’s even still here. Might as well take the chance, huh? Deborah Bean, Columbus Ohio.

Goodnight to all the amazing Mom’s out there, who inspire me to be a better woman, a better person and a better Mom.

 

Give Birth, Eat A Little Something, Shit… then die. February 7, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Uncategorized,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 11:51 pm
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Over the course of the day (actually more like the course of a week, but I am trying not to sound too pathetic) I have been watching very patiently for my female fancy guppy fish to give birth. I have done this before (geek) so I know what to look for and when to expect on the “Big Day” with all it’s preparations.

So Padme Amadala, my guppies name of course, is showing all the signs so I get her into her little breeder box. If you don’t know what that is it’s a plastic floating tank within the tank that let’s her have her own little place to do her thing, with a slotted middle divider so the kids can fall through after being born and go to their “nursery”. I get her in there, float her away into the tank and start the stare down. I am also really experienced at this part.

Ya, know, I’ve given birth. It’s no walk in the park. So I am seeing this girl spaz out all crazy and stuff, flashing her tail back and forth and I feel for her. I do. I am feeling a connection to this fish through our shared, magical experiences of bringing life into this world. I am routing her on, keeping a positive attitude and wishing I had a big glass of Veuve Cliquot to celebrate this great event, Things were in motion, the first one was coming out, It was so cool….and then it just wasn’t.

Padme’s birth routine is a little different than ours. Over the course of 4 hours I watched her systematically give birth to 17 fry. Each birth was the same. She’s squeeze that pup out, not even 5 seconds later she has turned around and popped the little guy back into her mouth for a little nosh. I mean, she’s been through a lot, she’s got to be famished. She than proceeds to take the longest poop I have ever witnessed a fish poop. This goes on forever. Than about 15 min later, another pup comes out and the entire macabre scene repeats itself. This happens 17 times over the course of the night and it’s exhausting, I’m sure she’s tired too but at least she’s getting some protein. At the end, she slowly starts to float tail-up towards the surface of the water, gulps a few times and dies.

Motherhood. Pregnancy is the easy part. This fish didn’t stick around for the wonder years but I got the feeling by her actions tonight that she might not have been Mother Of The Year. But, she was being true to herself and sometimes busy Mom’s find that really hard to do. She knew what she wanted. This was her last supper, her big farewell tour here on earth and she just wanted a party. A couple drinks, some great food, relax on the can for God knows how long, then float up to space like David Bowie and dream the big sleep. I am sure she died a happy fish. Well, at least she had eaten a little something.

I liked my way better. With tears, and laughter and family and friends surrounding my beautiful new boy who I had no intention of eating. I could never be a fish and do what she did. I mean it. I am telling you, that poop lasted FOREVER.

Eat your fiber,
Mindy

 

1,000 Views & Love Is In The Air February 6, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 1:35 am
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This amazing photograph by M. Berna caught my eye and it tells my story.

I owe it all to you guys, all 1,000 of you who since it’s start 2 weeks ago have read the continuing story of Max and me. Thank you, from the bottom of my soul for your support and love. You see, I need you to keep on reading, because I NEED to keep on writing. It’s keeping me sane, reminding me of things that i should never forget and, most importantly, it’s helping me to be a better Mother.

I know that this isn’t an Oscar acceptance speech, but I do feel the need to show some gratitude to some Mothers who have taught me how to do the job. I have learned the following things from the following Mom’s:

1. Marcy has taught me that there are ALWAYS enough hours in the day to do everything and that if you set your mind to it, you can carry out it all. Your energy astounds me.

2. My Mom has taught me how magical unconditional love is, and how to be a true friend.

3. Diana, you and Rick prove to me that true love does exist and that fills me with hope.

4. Deidre, you amaze me with your dedication, devotion and love for your “only child”, like me too! I am honored to be your friend.

5. Lyssa, although we are just getting to know each other, your easy-going approach to things I would normally freak out about constantly remind me to get a fucking grip. Thanks for the mellow.

6. Kimberley proves that Motherhood under pressure isn’t miserable, and the light outshines the good.

7. The following chicks also inspire me to greatness: Alyssa S. Lana T, Karen Silver & Susie Severin, HB Johnson, Lori Hemesath, Jennifer Hester, Jen Thomas, Samantha Provenzano, Dana Abt, Gabby Rossi, Lisa Rockwell, Amy Udani, Chez Mohler, Emily Nadeau,  Heidi Neurateur and Amy Jacobs. You are all Mom’s that rock. Keep it up.

Last but not least, a little tale. 40 (cough, cough) years ago a single, scared and pregnant 18-year-old girl decided that I deserved a better life than the one she could give me. She did something that had to have been so heart wrenching, brave and painful but she went through with it. My birth mother put me up for adoption because she loved me too much to keep me. She knew she wasn’t up for the job and that I would suffer for it.

I have always known that I was adopted, it’s just something that I have always knew and understood as the gift it is. I was never treated differently from my brother and sister who weren’t adopted, never given special advantages and pitied. But, deep down in my heart of hearts I did feel different, I felt special. I felt chosen. And I felt, and still do, like the luckiest girl in the world.

In fourth grade a neighbor started pestering me about being adopted. She asked me if I felt bad that my Mom and Dad weren’t my “real” Mom and Dad. It upset me pretty bad and I ran home crying, not understanding. Because to me, I only have 1 set of parents. I still do. Well, my Mom took me in her arms and held me and said “there is something I want to show you”. She pulled out a yellowed and tattered newspaper clipping from just weeks after I was born. It was a excerpt from an old Dear Abby issue about adoption and ended with the following poem that has stayed inside me my whole life. Parenting has nothing to do with epidurals, diapers and car seats. That’s called pregnancy & babysitting This is true love, from one mother to her adopted daughter.

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously you are my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

You didn’t grow under my heart,

But in it.

Love,

Mindy

Photo courtesy of M. Berna at http://digitalshootingdotnet.wordpress.com/

 

A Note To An Old Friend 2/4/2010 February 4, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 11:13 pm
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Play This Link While You Read

Parenting is hard, and it can be terrifying. It is such an important job that it can be overwhelming and force you to run away with the sheer fear of the task at hand. But, I talked to an old friend tonight who needs a helping hand, a kick in the ass…whatever, to fucking snap out of it. Because this kid needs you.

In the end, one could talk for hours about the relationship between a father and a son. The only clear thing is that a father has to be willing to be spat upon by his son as many times as the son wishes to do it. Even still the father will not have paid a tenth of what he owes because the son never asked to be born. If you brought him into this world, the least you can do is put up with whatever insult he wants to offer. But this kid offers no insult, no bad feelings…only wants to know you. Only wants you to want to know him.

“Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with an ordinary church member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual. But the one who has love, courage and wisdom moves the world.”
- Ammon Hennacy (Catholic activist, 1893-1970

Have the courage, friend. He needs you now so enough wasting time, enough excuses. Let me know how I can help.

 

Note To Self: Jan. 23, 2010 January 23, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 4:08 pm
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Mindy,

Hi. I Wanted to remind you of the following things. Don’t forget them. I emailed them to you so that you’d have them written down because I know you and your forgetfulness.  I also know you and your many “To Do Lists” that never get “To-Do’d” but that’s a whole different show. So, here we go.

Don’t forget:

1. Your child is unable, not unwilling to do some of the things you ask of him. So, take a deep breath and try not to get so frustrated.

2. Your child has courage.

3. And, yes, you have courage.

4. Your child can’t do this alone, so turn off the computer, cell phone, TV…whatever. Go find out what he’s doing. No, seriously. Go find out what he’s doing because I hear an odd sound coming from the next room.

5. Your child is brave and not a coward.

6. Your child is not lazy, in fact he uses enormous energy just to get through the day.

7. Your child has a tender heart, you know that within his sometimes aggressive heart beats your baby boy.

8. Your child has many abilities and is smarter than he thinks.

9. Your child has a special need for love and your attention and you’ve got to give it to him, when he needs it. Even if it gets in your way.

10. Look deep within yourself and find patience. I swear it’s in there, you’ve just got to dig around a little.

11. Trust you instincts.  No one knows your child better than you.

12. Prepare to feel guilty about the amount of time you are going to spend helping your child compared to time with other family & friends. Then get over it and get on with the job.

13. Don’t freaking fall apart. Take some time for yourself every once and a while to re-group and re-charge. But, don’t go shopping because we totally can’t afford it. (example: Sundance Catalog purchase last week online for undisclosed amount)

AND….

14.  You need to re-direct your thinking.

15. You need to re-direct your thinking.

16. You need to re-direct your thinking.

17. You need to re-direct your thinking.

18. You need to re-direct your thinking.

19. Never forget this…..There have to be cracks in everything. How else is the light supposed to come in?

Love always, even though I don’t say it enough…

Mindy

 

Thank you! 500 Hits! January 21, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:00 pm
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Thank you, thank you! To all my friends, family and perfect strangers who, in a meager 4 days, helped me reach 500 HITS on this blog! I love you all so much and promise to keep writing if you promise to keep listening to me vent.  Thanks to my Maxie-Moo. I Love you!

at the beach 2009

My #1 Guy.

Now do this:     Click this link,     close your eyes and…… just listen.

 

Oops! I did it again, and again, and again…..with Legos. January 20, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:46 pm
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The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word obsession as the follows:

Ob~ses~sion n. 1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or emotion, often accompanied with anxiety and frustration. v. To preoccupy the mind excessively.

I mean, who isn’t obsessed with SOMETHING? I love the show “Mad Men” and “True Blood”, for instance. I also love  reading,  Martin Guitars, brand new Sharpie pens, Jared Leto and the Khao Soy Kai w/Chicken from Thai Thai in Deerfield ( (847) 564-5999, tell them I sent you)  I’ve got obsessed friends and family too! My Dad would just lose his mind if they stopped making Nivea Lotion, Deidre would go ape shit if coffee was suddenly listed as a Schedule C Illegal Drug and I am not sure how my Mom would handle it if The Lifetime Channel went off the air. My friend Selena hasn’t met a pair of shoes she didn’t like and her brother’s ability to recite every single line of dialogue in the Godfather Trilogy is mind-numbing. This is an innate human characteristic. We’ve all got a little obsession in us.

I, however, hit the Mother-lode.  The following image may be harmful and disturbing to some younger viewers. Parental Discretion is advised. What you are about to see is the culmination of over 100 hours of back-breaking, painstakingly intricate work….done by an obsessed, deranged and commiserable geek.

Yeah, you’re right. They’re Lego’s. Simple, plastic Lego toys that have been around since the dawn of toy. You follow the directions, put together the ship or boat or whatever the hell you bought and then the project is complete. That’s the way the “normies” do it. That’s the way most Moms do it when presented with a brand new Lego ship in a box and an adorable 5-year-old looking up at you and saying “Mommy, can you put this together for me…please?”. And that is the way it started. Max received his first Star Wars Lego ship about 9 months ago. He had seen his friend Grant’s  collection and wanted one of his own so I went out and got one. The first “build” (that’s Lego lingo for the art of making these creations) was fun. It was a small ship and took no time at all. I actually quite enjoyed myself and was proud of that work.

Well, the ships kept on coming, and the “builds” got harder and harder. But as they got harder and more frequent I found a quite, zen-like power while working. I was able to zone out and take a well deserved mental break during these times. And it was energizing.  I literally got a rush from making these ridiculous non-recyclable novelties. But, I just couldn’t stop. And Max and I were having a ball putting together ship after ship, watching the movies and reading all the books.

I have always loved Star Wars. A bit of an “obsession” if you don’t mind me using the term. But since Max and I have got into Star Wars Lego’s, we have both gone off the deep end. And it is all my fault. I have turned my intelligent, playful little boy into a building zombie, working for hours on end on this ship or that, barely coming up to the surface for bathroom breaks and dinner and, this is the worst, waking up as early as 5:00 am and going directly downstairs to play with Lego’s. The worst is (and I am going to get kind of serious now) is that he is alienating his friends when they come to play when, heaven forbid, they want to play something besides Lego’s. This is actually bringing him to tears.  He is talking about it constantly, Star Wars seems to be the only thing we talk about anymore. And he’s not the only nut in the house! No! Yeah, I am so protective of the ships I made that I cringe when someone even breathes on one, I actually took pictures of my progress  putting together the Death Star and posted them on Facebook like they were a new baby to show off. And the worst part is this; I have taken the “important” mini-men (you know, like Darth Vader, The Silver Stormtrooper, Princess Leia in the Slave outfit, little Anakin…) and I have been HIDING them from my own son! I have hoarded them all for myself like they are treasures. Max recently discovered my stash and said to me “But, Mommy, why would you hide these from me?”.

I confess this insane story to you tonight not as a warning to diversify your hobbies, or to get out there and get a social life. I am telling it to you because of this: My son is learning all there is to know about life and how to be a good human being by watching what is nearest and dearest to him; me. My story may be silly, but Max is at an age when making friends is so very important, and he just had a play date with a perfectly terrific kid who he literally ignored. Why? Because he just couldn’t put down the Lego’s for even a second. Why? Because he’s seen Mommy do the same thing.

The Chicago Tribune reported today that the “Young people now devote an average of 7 hours, 38 minutes to daily media use, or about 53 hours a week — more than a full-time job.” That almost 8 hours of watching TV, surfing the web, playing video games and texting. 8 HOURS! So, as of tomorrow, our house is going on a Lego fast. While Max is sleeping I am going to take all the Legos and store them up, clear the house of the distraction. Tomorrow morning will be hell, but I have faith that we can make it one week Lego free. We will come together once again as a vibrant, creative home and I can walk free and barefoot without fear of injury from a misplaced floor score. After the week is up I plan to slowly re-introduce Star Wars Lego’s back into our lives in small healthy doses, little teasers to remind us of how much we do still love it.

I hope to get my home back in order, I hope to stop lying in bed thinking if I put a fucking  droid cannon together correctly and I hope, most importantly, to get my son back. May the Force be with you.

Mindy & Max

 

 
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