Lisa,
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do.
I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do,
So then I took my turn
O,h all the things I’ve done
And it was all yellow
Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
Do you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so.
Its true. Look how they shine for you.
Look how they shine for you
look how they shine.
look at the stars, look how they shine for you
I am thinking that maybe Guppies got it right. They have sex constantly, I mean a male guppy can rub up against a female and “bam!”, there it was. She may not have noticed a thing, but he rolled over and is fast asleep. It’s like a handshake. I challenge anyone of the three people who still follow my blog to say they get “too much” sex.
Then there’s the “no real career-but to swim around the tank” thing, which I find quite chill. They are like Geisha’s, only there to look pretty and in return kept safe, fed and clean. Little whores.
But the thing that gets me, the thing that I really think they’ve got a handle on is when they have their babies. See, they pop them put and eat them faster than you can say “It’s a bo….”. Gulp. Ah, that was delicious. And now I know why!
Because Motherhood is hard. Motherhood can make you insane. But, most of all, Motherhood will break your heart every single day for the rest of your life. Because a heart, at least my heart, wasn’t made big enough to hold all the love I feel for this child. The love has started to bleed out to other organs who have stepped up to the plate to pick up the slack. My brain, lungs, stomach, liver and soul have done double shifts and I am exhausted. But every night, I go to sleep with a smile on my face. Because every day is going to be better than the one before. And every day he is going to get closer and closer to the beautiful man I can’t wait to meet. Damn, I can’t wait to meet that guy.
Until then, I will look into renting out a storage pod to hold all the love overflow. Maybe I should get two.
Tonight I met an amazing Mom. The Mother of a beautiful boy with Down Syndrome. A talented photographer, artist and spirit. I feel honored right now to have met her and wish she didn’t live all the way in LA. With that being said, I’d like to tell you the real reason I write tonight.
This Mom and Dad love their son, that’s obvious. But, the lengths that she goes to nurture, teach, learn from and help him discover this life of his is awe inspiring. She writes it all on a beautiful blog, I will attach the address to the end of this post. But, as a parent of a child with special needs, I see in her so much hope, so much courage to go to the absolute ends of the earth to make this amazing and unique child have the happiest life possible. It travels far past sheer love, past devotion and past parenting. She is on a journey of self discovery right along with her son, they are doing it together. And it just proves how much these special children can teach us about ourselves. That if you don’t give up, and you never quit digging, you will find the treasure that awaits you at the bottom of the well. And these children are treasures, perfect gifts handed down to us to fulfill our destiny. Max amazes me everyday, he is excelling in school, socially active and our lives together get better and better every single day. Because, I will NEVER give up. And I will never forget that the same sensitivity and perceptiveness that cause these kids such difficulty also give them EXCEPTIONAL gifts.
“Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” – Rumi
Her name is Catherine. Her blog is http://hang-on-little-tomato.blogspot.com/
Tomorrow I make a trip that will change my entire life. I am going to meet my birth mother, after 41 years we will finally meet. And there isn’t a thought or feeling that exists that isn’t coursing through me at this moment. Panic? Sure, it’s there. Will she like me? Will I like her? Will I see too much of her in me or too little? Will she show me a glimpse of my future that I have been seeking out, or will that glimpse be a disappointment? In the end, what do you say to a woman who sacrificed so much to save my little life. How do I even begin to show her how much that means to me? I am out of words. All that I comprehend now is base emotion, longing, sadness, fear and trepidation.
Tonight, I want to say a prayer to her. A special blessing to the woman who gave me life, who thought so little of her wants and so much of mine that she handed me over without even having the chance to hold me. Not even once. There is bravery in man. But, there is a force that lives in a Mother, a strength and courage that comes in our time of need and helps us to do the right thing for our children. Tonight, I honor you, my “mother”, who brought me into this world and kept me safe. You placed me into the hands of a family that is warm, loving and have embraced me as their own and now they share this moment with me as the circle closes and the mysteries are unveiled. I can’t wait to read my next chapter.
Goodnight to you all.
Today is Oct. 1, the start of a month long campaign to end Bullying. Share this message with everyone you know, we can end these kid’s suffering by bringing to the open what has remained behind closed doors for too long. “Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friends”.
Here is that message:
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/09/an_important_message_from_ellen_about_bullying_0930.php
Hug a kid today.
Love,
Mindy
Three of my closest friends are in three of the most unhappy marriages I have ever seen. I wonder why they stay, Yes, I think about the “kids” but I also think about three beautiful, intelligent and unique people that I love who are choking in product placement.
I don’t think I was ready the first time to get married. I am not sure I even am now. It’s an invitation to a party I don’t wish to go to. Maybe I never will. Doesn’t mean I can’t love. Doesn’t mean I don’t love.
06 First Day Of My Life06 First Day Of My Life
An amazing thing happened to me a few days ago. For those of you who have followed my blog, life and story you know that I am adopted. I have written about my search, my seemingly endless search to find my answers. Well, I found them. I found him. I found my brother, not just a 1/2 brother, but a full brother who was very suprised to hear from me. He did not know he had a sister, he wasn’t told the truth growing up and now that the truth is out there I am hoping that EVERYONE can heal. EVERYONE.
His name is Chris. He’s brilliant, kind, loving and I can’t wait to meet him. He is coming to Chicago on Tuesday, and although I am nervous and apprehensive, I know that I have a friend now for life. There can be nothing bad about this, only good things grow from such mysteries and fate brings certain people into your lives when you need them the most. This is fate. This is The Force at work. This is so strange, and beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. But, I welcome it. My family welcomes him. And, if I am Princess Leia than he is my Luke. Now, together again, we can fight the Dark Side and kick some freakin Star Wars ASS. We have a lot to learn about each other, and I am excited for it all. Thank you, Universe, for the opportunity to know and love another of your amazing creations. Thanks you, Fate, for bringing us together again. It’s about time. 06 First Day Of My Life06 First Day Of My Life
Fireworks, 2010
Max, you were right about the stars. Each one is a setting sun.
(more…)Hello my friends, family, strangers and those just passing through on their way to something more important. This is my first post in quite some time and I need to write it. Things have been rough, I mean not “death, disease and famine” rough, but rough none the less. I’m a single Mom of a 6 year old amazing little man who just happens to have ADHD and some sensory issues. That is definitely NOT what he is all about. If you’ve read this blog before, you may very well know that we have tried a multitude of different medications and therapies, some worked while others didn’t. At the moment, we are into our second week with the non-stimulant Straterra. Yeah, it’s true what they all say about the non-stimulants…….they do not work. But, I am willing to give it some more time, because at this point I am willing to do just about anything for this little boy.
The Tank Of Death analogy is about me. I have a hobby keeping guppies, and I won this great new tank at my favorite fish store, Fish Planet in Deerfield. I set it up, let it cycle (fish talk for “let it settle”) and added some fish which immediately died. This goes on for weeks, I add fish, they die, I go see Steve at Fish Planet, he gives me some magic potion which I use, fish still die, I get new fish, they die…….you see where this is going. It was The Tank Of Death. I tried everything, but still it killed all who touched it’s waters. Meanwhile, I don’t notice that between all this stress with Max, work, money…yada yada…I have retreated into myself again and have stopped talking. Not your normal everyday talking, but really “talking” to anyone. The wall was up, it was keeping me propped up against it and as long as I stayed upright and breathing I was going to be okay. But, I wasn’t okay. The stress of my life was getting to me and turning me toxic. My thoughts were becoming toxic. I started to yell. I hate to yell. I hated what I felt like.
Steve at Fish Planet finally gave me the plan to cleanse the Tank Of Death once and for all. Take out all living items, Add 1/2 cup of pure bleach, let it filter overnight, add a dechlorinate and that should rid the tank of what was making it so toxic. I did it. I added the bleach, I let it run for 24 hours and when the time was up my TOD (Tank of Death) had blossomed into a TOL (Tank of Life). It now thrives. And, in the process of ridding evil from my tank I decided that it was time to rid it from me. I decided to meditate on something the Buddha had once said ..
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly”
Funny thing, it worked. Take a deep breath, make a decision and then do it. An attitude adjustment doesn’t require bleach or chemicals, just kind, positive thoughts. And hope. A full cup of hope.
And, I do intend to answer it. Just not now, at 3 am after spending a great night with old friends. But, I am inspired to begin again by a line from a fantastic new novel by the esteemed playwright and novelist Brooke Berman who quotes Ann Carlson saying ” Make the work that delights you, the work you want to see.”. I have forgotten this and have spent the last few months wrapped up in mind games, responsibilities and panic. It ends now.
Just not tonight.
Time for bed.
And..it’s good to be back.
Mindy Hester
