Mindy and Max's True Life Blog

The Fearless Coping of ADHD, A soon-to-be First Grader, Single Motherhood and Life. Not just any life…our life. And, we wouldn't change a thing.

Maybe The Fish Are Right. November 23, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Occupational Therapy,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 9:43 pm
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I am thinking that maybe Guppies got it right. They have sex constantly, I mean a male guppy can rub up against a female and “bam!”, there it was. She may not have noticed a thing, but he rolled over and is fast asleep. It’s like a handshake. I challenge anyone of the three people who still follow my blog to say they get “too much” sex.

Then there’s the “no real career-but to swim around the tank” thing, which I find quite chill. They are like Geisha’s, only there to look pretty and in return kept safe, fed and clean. Little whores.

But the thing that gets me, the thing that I really think they’ve got a handle on is when they have their babies. See, they pop them put and eat them faster than you can say “It’s a bo….”. Gulp. Ah, that was delicious. And now I know why!

Because Motherhood is hard. Motherhood can make you insane. But, most of all, Motherhood will break your heart every single day for the rest of your life. Because a heart, at least my heart, wasn’t made big enough to hold all the love I feel for this child. The love has started to bleed out to other organs who have stepped up to the plate to pick up the slack. My brain, lungs, stomach, liver and soul have done double shifts and I am exhausted. But every night, I go to sleep with a smile on my face. Because every day is going to be better than the one before. And every day he is going to get closer and closer to the beautiful man I can’t wait to meet. Damn, I can’t wait to meet that guy.

Until then, I will look into renting out a storage pod to hold all the love overflow. Maybe I should get two.

 

Mama did a bad, bad thing. But, you can’t die from lack of sleep can you? February 10, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Mad Max Stories,Occupational Therapy — Mindy Hester @ 9:37 pm
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When Max was born I was already on my own. Night feedings were brutal, the days passed in a cloud of sameness, routine and persistent body odor from lack of a single moment to take care of myself. I think back on it now as a year long acid trip, not a bad one, just a really exhausting one.

So when Max turned 4 years old we ditched the crib and bought the famed “BIG BOY BED”. What a landmark event, what an accomplishment. Then what a huge mistake I then made. One that I am paying for EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

It’s a mistake I am sure some of you out there are making on this very night. I did this: I tucked him into bed, snuggled up next to him and stayed with him until he fell asleep. I loved doing this, hearing the change in the pattern of his breathing as he finally drifted off. It was the best part of my day. But, in doing so I taught my son that the only way that he can comfort himself is with me right there next to him. He is now unable to find a safe, cozy place of his own to sleep, all by himself. I lost out on teaching him how to comfort himself, how to feel safe alone and how to be okay being alone.

Because of this, I have NOT slept alone since. Oh, there is no hot guy lying next to me, but a beautiful 5-year-old boy who can’t get comfortable without me. He falls asleep in his own bed but it’s not a few hours later when he crawls back into mine. I pick him up and put him back into his, he waits a few minutes and the process starts over again. It lasts all night. He can’t sleep without me, he is almost 6 years old. I am 40 and I am sleeping every night with a 5-year-old. With help from his OT we have tried lots of tricks:

1. I set up my camping tent right on top of his bed, made him a little hideie-hole. Didn’t work, came down 2 weeks later.

2. Charts, Charts, Charts!!!!!!! I am so sick of charts. The reward system didn’t work for this one. He still came into my bed even with the prospect of being able to go to Toys R Us and pick out anything in the store.

3. The taking away of his Lego’s- May I never have to live through that again, dear G-d. And if you know me, you know I went through some acute withdrawal myself on that one.

4. We put a light up picture frame by his bed with a picture of me. When he wakes up and misses me he reaches over, kisses the picture and goes back to sleep. Piece of Costco crap broke the first night.

5. Melatonin- works. Then he wakes up. You can’t double dose (I asked the pharmacist).

6. Now we are here: He has to ask permission to enter my bed. I am supposed to not utter a word, but get up and escort him back to his bed without speaking. This is where i am stuck. Damn, I’m tired and just want to sleep so 3/4 of the time i just roll over, let him in and go to sleep. Do you blame me? I mean, where’s my 6-8 hours? Bright eyed and bushy-tailed is folklore. Aesop got enough sleep. He was the last.

What do you do? How do you get the kid out of your bed when half the time you can’t stand it and the other half of the time it’s like heaven. Sweet dreams, Max. I hope the restraints I used tonight on you aren’t too tight. Give me a shout if they are, I’ll come loosen them.

Love,
Mommy

 

On Our Way On The Overstimulation Super Highway! Whose more anxious, Max or Me? January 16, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Occupational Therapy,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:04 am
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We’ve got a free day from school this weekend so we are taking to the road (well, actually just about 25 minutes up the road) to the colorful, crowded and semi-annoying Key Lime Cove Water Park in Gurnee. We’ve given this one a try before about a year ago. My parents took Max and me for the weekend, a much needed weekend. Before the car was packed the anxiety had already begun. Not Max……Me. The questions were streaming through my mind: “How will he act? Will he do that screaming thing? Will he stay at my side or run away and get lost in the crowd? Will he do that thing were he runs into the walls and hit’s himself in the face? “. This happens every time we go somewhere. I feel anxious, nervous and my palms sweat.  Especially to someones  home. We often have play dates and dinners over at our dear friends and neighbors house and I feel my shoulders start to rise and stay hunched up near my ears as we walk to their house. The entire time we are there I am on edge, watching his every his every move, using the phrase “No, Max” over and over it becomes so redundant. This phenomenal friend of mine also is raising a child with sensory needs and always seems so cool, she’s always telling me not to worry even though last year Max knocked down and broke part of a treasured collection of hers she didn’t even break a sweat. She’s a wonder and I don’t know how she does it. Maybe she will grace us with some words of wisdom.

So we are off. Car is packed, Books, DVD’s, Lego’s are packed. Squeezing toys, tug of war rope, tight feety pajama’s and heavy blankets are in the car, ready to help when we need a sensory break. BTW: Sometimes Max takes sensory breaks by doing wall push ups and jumping jacks when he gets too “Mr. Jumpy” (our code word for the ADHD), and it’s been working well. Wish us lock. Have a great weekend everyone!

One more thing:  I just got a note on Facebook from a friend which says the following, please pass it on and never forget it:

Sometimes you just need to hear it… You are a phenomenal woman, a beautiful mother, doing an extraordinary job, making things happen for those you love, and although you might not always think about it, you are loved and appreciated!

Love,

Mindy & Max

 

The Big Question…..Does your child have ADHD? January 14, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Occupational Therapy,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:39 pm

This is a very simple, straightforward explanation about the symptoms, possible causes and treatments of ADHD. It was made by the National Institutes of Health and I think it’s pretty informative and honest. I must reiterate what they say in the video: If you feel your child had ADD/ADHD or any other sensory issue, go see a professional right away. These are such sensitive years, growing up fast, making new friends and starting school for the first time. I knew that if Max couldn’t focus, than he couldn’t learn. And it’s my job as his Mommy to give him every possible chance to succeed.

Take a deep breathe and dive in.

 

 
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