Mindy and Max's True Life

about coping with ADHD, single motherhood and unconditional love for your child.

Hello, hello….is anyone still listening? April 25, 2012

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Funny Shit,Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 10:25 pm

Has it really been 15 months since I last wrote? 15 months! Talk about writers block! Although, quite unfortunately,  I cannot claim writers block for my absence. I could plop down a couple “Wow, life has been CR-AZY! ” and ” I have been so busy these past months, I just plum forgot about my blog…”  But you will know that’s bullshit as well. I mean, life HAS been crazy. It’s been crazier, busier and scarier than any other 15 month period in my life has ever been. But, I never once forgot about this blog and writing again. So, here I am 15 months later, war weary but not war torn. Ready for Round Two?

When last our tale was told Max and I were chugging along in our world of ADHD, SPD, single motherhood, single female-hood, Star Wars Legos, rock music, fish tanks and finding long lost siblings. Well, we still play with Legos. I still make music every day (at my very own music school which I opened last June) and Max joins me when he feels inspired. Max still has ADHD, that hasn’t magically vanished and a “cure” hasn’t been discovered. But, we have learned so much these past 15 months and I look forward to sharing our own discoveries. I am still single, which bums me out when I think too much on the fact so I live in a state of frequent episodes of complete denial which has served me fine up to now. The obsession with fish tanks and fancy Guppies has faded, while my relationships with my new biological brothers and sisters only grows stronger as we get to know each other. And lastly, single momhood has continued to provide me with daily challenges, occasional moments of awe and frustration and moment by moment reminders of the beauty and gift my son is to me. It is because of him that at this time the writing will begin again. It is because of him that I need to do it, because it is because of him that I need to save myself.

A recent discovery of a health issue that a 100% result of what I have put myself through in the last 15 months has been like a taser gun to my body, mind and spirit saying “You may have thought that you could HAVE it all….but you may have underestimated your abilities to DO it all, and do it all alone.” I don’t have a choice now but to slow down, something that is so hard for me to do even if I were healthy. But if I don’t I am only going to get sicker and what good am I to anyone if I do? This Super-Mom is calling a truce with the universe and needs a timeout. I hope you will join me on my way back to the world. Now, go kiss your kids if you have them, make the moves on your spouse and do it like you did when you first met or just go pet the family dog. Just show someone that you love them. Image

I will be in touch.

 

A few thoughts about perfection…or lack there of. September 9, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Love,Mad Mindy Stories — Mindy Hester @ 2:13 am

Good evening, class. I ask you all to please take your seats and open up to a clean, crisp, fresh page in your notebooks and ready your freshly sharpened #2′s. Because, I am only going to give this lecture once.

Tonight’s lesson is about perfection.
or..
relentless pursuit of;
or the lack of;
or the insistence of;
or the practice and the subsequent failure of;
and finally, the conflict that arises when one wants perfection (and I’m not talking “perfect” perfect, I’m talking about giving yourself that much-needed push to take it to the next level and grow) but the other four want mediocrity. The other four are happy with mediocrity, with stasis with being just okay. And it doesn’t make these four “bad, lazy failure”-types, not by a long shot. These four are talented, creative and pretty fantastic people. The problem is that a member of the aforementioned creative group ( okay..fine..it’s me.) isn’t comfortable with presenting a project that is just “fine”. I hate that word fine. “How are you?” “Oh, I’m FINE”. Do you want to know what I think the hidden message is in that response? It goes like this..

“How are you?”
“Oh, I’m (bored, unchallenged, unmotivated, uninspired, brain-dead and numb from the waist down AND up, chronically and pathetically asleep and unHAPPY” but “fine”. And you?”

Oscar Wilde was once quoted as saying “Perfectionism is a slow, slow death”. But, I am an artist, whether you think my shit is art is your problem. I happen to LOVE my art and I can’t share something I am not proud of. So, when the other four decided that I was too “intense” for them, that didn’t surprise me at all. Not a bit. I wasn’t intense, I was just driven. And, I understand them and what they want from this, I really do. I just have a bigger fire in me that knows that making music is something that keeps me alive. And sane. And happy.

I thank them for allowing me access to their cave and letting me scream like Janis/Axel/Debbie/Iggy one night a week into a dented Shure SM58. But, continuing to sit in that cave would have killed me in the long run. So I have more to thank them for than I first thought.

By the way, I had to get a babysitter for all those rehearsals. If I did the math correctly, at $12/hour, 4 rehearsals (3 hours a piece) …well, it looks like I am out $144.00. You guys can send me a check or cash. I’m flexible.

Rock On! Rally Day! I look forward to the day 10 years from now when I happen by that cave and you are all still there…playing in the band.

 

Darwinian Dating: The Book, The Blog, The Quest September 4, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Love,Mad Mindy Stories — Mindy Hester @ 7:36 pm
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Hello Family & Friends. Happy Labor Day weekend to you all. I hope you have many exciting and fascinating things planned, and that there isn’t a minute to spare come Tuesday morning when you all go back to work and school. Max & I will be taking in a pint of Mead and a tournament of Joust tomorrow when we go with friends to the Renaissance Fair. Wish me luck, I have a very low tolerance for make believe historical spectacles like this. But, it will be funny to get Max to call one of the girls “wench” and get it on camera. Good, clean family fun.

So, as most of you know by now I met my brother Chris a few weeks ago and it was fascinating and fun and amazing and I loved it! We just kind of hung out, talked a LOT, spent time with Max and my family (who loved him) and got to know each other. It was like coming home. He is a brilliant PhD, and author, writer, Heavy Metal enthusiast who brought me a piece of his wedding Kilt and taught me the art of Scotch. He’s unique, except that he is so much like me that it’s scary.

Chris is writing a book, titled “Darwinian Dating”, about finding your perfect mate using the laws of evolution, or really more like what men and woman are looking for down to their base human core. He’s got a blog and I want everyone to log in at least once. It’s www.darwiniandating.blogspot.com. The book is ready to be published but the publisher wants to see more hits to the blog, and to his fan page on Facebook. No one deserves this more than him, so help me get those numbers up. Tell your friends, tell your spouse, tell your mailman! Tell anyone who you know that could use a little up-front and honest advice about the opposite sex. Tell that friend of yours who keeps sitting by the phone waiting for that one guy she met at Starbucks 3 weeks ago to call her, or the guy you know from work who asks you out over and over and over. Hell, email every single one of your past romances and tell them that if they are still holding on…Chris can help them cut the cord. I love my brother and I want to see this happen for him. So….GO. NOW! Use the link, join the Darwinian Dating page on Facebook. Make me happy.

 

Happy Marriage? August 15, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 1:21 am
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Three of my closest friends are in three of the most unhappy marriages I have ever seen. I wonder why they stay, Yes, I think about the “kids” but I also think about three beautiful, intelligent and unique people that I love who are choking in product placement.

I don’t think I was ready the first time to get married. I am not sure I even am now. It’s an invitation to a party I don’t wish to go to. Maybe I never will. Doesn’t mean I can’t love. Doesn’t mean I don’t love.

 

I AM Princess Leia July 28, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 10:29 pm
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06 First Day Of My Life06 First Day Of My LifeAn amazing thing happened to me a few days ago. For those of you who have followed my blog, life and story you know that I am adopted. I have written about my search, my seemingly endless search to find my answers. Well, I found them. I found him. I found my brother, not just a 1/2 brother, but a full brother who was very suprised to hear from me. He did not know he had a sister, he wasn’t told the truth growing up and now that the truth is out there I am hoping that EVERYONE can heal. EVERYONE.

His name is Chris. He’s brilliant, kind, loving and I can’t wait to meet him. He is coming to Chicago on Tuesday, and although I am nervous and apprehensive, I know that I have a friend now for life. There can be nothing bad about this, only good things grow from such mysteries and fate brings certain people into your lives when you need them the most. This is fate. This is The Force at work. This is so strange, and beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. But, I welcome it. My family welcomes him. And, if I am Princess Leia than he is my Luke. Now, together again, we can fight the Dark Side and kick some freakin Star Wars ASS. We have a lot to learn about each other, and I am excited for it all. Thank you, Universe, for the opportunity to know and love another of your amazing creations. Thanks you, Fate, for bringing us together again. It’s about time. 06 First Day Of My Life06 First Day Of My Life

 

Max, this is my wish for you…. July 5, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 8:05 pm
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Fireworks, 2010

Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Gentle hugs when spirits sag,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Faith so that you can believe,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
And love to complete your life.
Always love, always and with everything.

Max, you were right about the stars. Each one is a setting sun. (more…)

 

Funeral For A Friend Indeed! Toot! Toot! July 1, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Uncategorized — Mindy Hester @ 10:14 pm
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RIP Thomas The Tank Engine

Yesterday Max came up to me while I was doing some gardening and said “Mommy, I need your help. I want to bury something.” So, I said “OK, what do you want to bury, is it the cat? Because we talked about this before and I told you what would happen.” He said “No, it’s not the cat. Or the Dog. But, It’s something very special to me and I have to let it go”. He is 6 years old. Six year old’s don’t talk like my kid talks, they don’t FEEL the kind of emotional depth that my kid feels. He’s like a little Buddha, I swear he inspires the hell out of me.

So, I start to dig the hole and he goes into the house to get this special “thing” that he needs to “let go”. (Sorry for all the quotation marks) It’s hot, I dig, I don’t mind because I am thinking to myself that this is gonna be good. Real good.

He walk out carrying his Thomas The Tank Engine original train, cradling it like it had accidentally drown in the tub and he was in shock at what he beheld. He was so tender and gentle, he laid Thomas down in the hole I had dug and quietly asked me to fill it in. I did, as he stood by and watched in silence. When Thomas was good and buried I said “Max, tell Mommy why you wanted to…” ….only to be interrupted by him as he shuushed me. He said “Mom, there is something I’d like to say. Thomas, Thank you for being my friend and playing with me for so many years. But, I am a big boy now, and it’s time that we say goodbye. So goodbye. Now I am going to play with Star Wars Jedi’s and that’s what big boys do. I will miss you.” I am speechless and wishing that I had a video camera on me at ALL TIMES, because this kid does some wild shit. He said “Mommy, would you like to say a few words?”. Can you believe this shit! So, I say” Thomas, thanks for making my boy so happy. But, I guess he’s growing up now and it’s time to move on. Rest in peace, and thanks for the memories”. Max put a flower on Thomas’ “grave” and declared himself a BIG BOY.

I told the BIG BOY that now that things are different and he has buried his “Baby-dom”, he needs to step up to the plate around the house. First thing on the list? Go take out the garbage.

Growing up, what a trip.

 

The Tank Of Death: A Human Analogy June 26, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 4:44 pm
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Hello my friends, family, strangers and those just passing through on their way to something more important. This is my first post in quite some time and I need to write it. Things have been rough, I mean not “death, disease and famine” rough, but rough none the less. I’m a single Mom of a 6 year old amazing little man who just happens to have ADHD and some sensory issues. That is definitely NOT what he is all about. If you’ve read this blog before, you may very well know that we have tried a multitude of different medications and therapies, some worked while others didn’t. At the moment, we are into our second week with the non-stimulant Straterra. Yeah, it’s true what they all say about the non-stimulants…….they do not work. But, I am willing to give it some more time, because at this point I am willing to do just about anything for this little boy.

The Tank Of Death analogy is about me. I have a hobby keeping guppies, and I won this great new tank at my favorite fish store, Fish Planet in Deerfield. I set it up, let it cycle (fish talk for “let it settle”) and added some fish which immediately died. This goes on for weeks, I add fish, they die, I go see Steve at Fish Planet, he gives me some magic potion which I use, fish still die, I get new fish, they die…….you see where this is going. It was The Tank Of Death. I tried everything, but still it killed all who touched it’s waters. Meanwhile, I don’t notice that between all this stress with Max, work, money…yada yada…I have retreated into myself again and have stopped talking. Not your normal everyday talking, but really “talking” to anyone. The wall was up, it was keeping me propped up against it and as long as I stayed upright and breathing I was going to be okay. But, I wasn’t okay. The stress of my life was getting to me and turning me toxic. My thoughts were becoming toxic. I started to yell. I hate to yell. I hated what I felt like.

Steve at Fish Planet finally gave me the plan to cleanse the Tank Of Death once and for all. Take out all living items, Add 1/2 cup of pure bleach, let it filter overnight, add a dechlorinate and that should rid the tank of what was making it so toxic. I did it. I added the bleach, I let it run for 24 hours and when the time was up my TOD (Tank of Death) had blossomed into a TOL (Tank of Life). It now thrives. And, in the process of ridding evil from my tank I decided that it was time to rid it from me. I decided to meditate on something the Buddha had once said ..

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly”

Funny thing, it worked. Take a deep breath, make a decision and then do it. An attitude adjustment doesn’t require bleach or chemicals, just kind, positive thoughts. And hope. A full cup of hope.

 

Where have I been? Good question. June 15, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 2:01 am
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And, I do intend to answer it. Just not now, at 3 am after spending a great night with old friends. But, I am inspired to begin again by a line from a fantastic new novel by the esteemed playwright and novelist Brooke Berman who quotes Ann Carlson saying ” Make the work that delights you, the work you want to see.”. I have forgotten this and have spent the last few months wrapped up in mind games, responsibilities and panic. It ends now.

Just not tonight.

Time for bed.

And..it’s good to be back.

 

Idol Worship April 7, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:09 pm
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I teach guitar on Tuesday nights at a studio in my house. I love it. I love that they come to me, that’s the best part. I used to go to them and what a pain that was. But, enough about me. Let’s talk about American Idol.

Last night I finished teaching, made myself some dinner and sat down in front of the TV (something I rarely do lately) and found myself watching American Idol (something I NEVER do). Sure, I watched the first few seasons but when they crowned Carrie Underwood an American Idol I lost my stamina. I gave up and stopped caring.It’s a popularity contest, not a talent contest. But, last night they were doing the songs of Lennon and McCartney so I decided to hang around and watch some 20 something “musicians” butcher some of the greatest songs ever written. Which they did. I hope Paul wasn’t watching.The kid at the end singing “Hey Jude” made my stomach turn. But, I regress. That is not why I am writing this post.

I am writing because the gloriously, perfectly alien-like Ryan Seacrest announces at the end of the show that they are looking for the first ever “American Idol Mom”. All I heard was you got to be over 21 and you have to be a Mom so I stood and proclaimed “That’s Me!” at the top of my lungs. Visions of Hollywood danced through my head as I milled over what I would sing for my audition. Should I do something current and poppy like an acoustic “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga? Or should I stick with my roots and pull out a mean “Bobby McGee”? They mentioned a website, I must go on that website and get this ball rolling. My public needs me, they are aching for me.

Reality is never as sexy as fantasy.

It’s a fucking SWEEPSTAKE! Yeah, joke is on me. Whatever. I got over it quickly, truthfully I don’t think the world is ready for my brand of genius. But, I kept reading. To enter this contest you have to write an essay of 300 words or less about why you deserve to be the Idol Mom, all the great things you’ve done, the demands of raising a child, the hardships and mountains you have climbed to get to the place you are now…blah, blah, blah. This is the kind of essay that someone else writes ABOUT you, not that you write by yourself and for yourself. If you write it yourself you may quickly fall into the “Look How Great I Am”, “I Have Been Through Hell And Back And Come Out The Other Side” kind of “Toot Toot (my own horn)” essay. But, being the fledgling writer that I am I decided to take on the challenge and give it a shot. These people need to be convinced that I deserve the free make-over and 2 tickets to the American Idol Finale in LA. I had to make my story sound desperate, filled with hardship and spirit. It should appear as a series of emotional and social hurdles that I clawed my way over with my bloodied fingernails. It would be bleak, but still be dotted with moments of hope and bliss that can make you cry and laugh at the same time. It would be brilliant.

I would need to get out the Thesaurus for this one.

And I did. And I thought about my plight to raise this “difficult” amazing kid, my struggles as a single Mom, my financial disparity and overall station in this world. And this is what I came up with. Ready?

I got it pretty good. Actually, I have no complaints, no sob story to tell, no great struggle to describe and begin to tug at the heartstrings of the random people who are “judging” this stupid contest. I realized for the first time in a while that I have got it made, and that despite an occasional gripe or beef, I couldn’t produce the kind of essay that would win this contest. I may need a vacation more than I need coffee in the morning, but there is someone out there whose got it worse. I take a step back and can see that despite the ADHD, despite being malignantly single, despite digging out spare change from the cushions of my couch just to put gas in the car…well, being me is all good. Being Max’s Mom trumps all the bad stuff, and I am truly grateful for what I have. I am a Mom Idol, I am Max’s Mom Idol. And, I know that sounds hokey and cliche but once you realize how important your job is, the sooner your internal volcano sleeps. And when that happens, everything falls into place. I can’t imagine anything better than seeing this boy turn into a man. It’s simple. It’s unconditional love. It’s Motherhood. It’s priceless.

Oh…best of luck to the other “American Idol Mom” contestants. Part of the prize money gets donated to a charity of your choice, $5000 to be exact. I suggest you choose any program that helps keep music in our schools. Let’s get our kids off Guitar Hero and on to playing the real thing. Music inspires, teaches and comforts us. After being Max’s Mom, it’s my next great love.

Goodnight all.

 

 
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