Mindy and Max's True Life Blog

The Fearless Coping of ADHD, A soon-to-be First Grader, Single Motherhood and Life. Not just any life…our life. And, we wouldn't change a thing.

Maybe The Fish Are Right. November 23, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Occupational Therapy,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 9:43 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I am thinking that maybe Guppies got it right. They have sex constantly, I mean a male guppy can rub up against a female and “bam!”, there it was. She may not have noticed a thing, but he rolled over and is fast asleep. It’s like a handshake. I challenge anyone of the three people who still follow my blog to say they get “too much” sex.

Then there’s the “no real career-but to swim around the tank” thing, which I find quite chill. They are like Geisha’s, only there to look pretty and in return kept safe, fed and clean. Little whores.

But the thing that gets me, the thing that I really think they’ve got a handle on is when they have their babies. See, they pop them put and eat them faster than you can say “It’s a bo….”. Gulp. Ah, that was delicious. And now I know why!

Because Motherhood is hard. Motherhood can make you insane. But, most of all, Motherhood will break your heart every single day for the rest of your life. Because a heart, at least my heart, wasn’t made big enough to hold all the love I feel for this child. The love has started to bleed out to other organs who have stepped up to the plate to pick up the slack. My brain, lungs, stomach, liver and soul have done double shifts and I am exhausted. But every night, I go to sleep with a smile on my face. Because every day is going to be better than the one before. And every day he is going to get closer and closer to the beautiful man I can’t wait to meet. Damn, I can’t wait to meet that guy.

Until then, I will look into renting out a storage pod to hold all the love overflow. Maybe I should get two.

 

Max, this is my wish for you…. July 5, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 8:05 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Fireworks, 2010

Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Gentle hugs when spirits sag,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Faith so that you can believe,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
And love to complete your life.
Always love, always and with everything.

Max, you were right about the stars. Each one is a setting sun. (more…)

 

Funeral For A Friend Indeed! Toot! Toot! July 1, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Uncategorized — Mindy Hester @ 10:14 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

RIP Thomas The Tank Engine

Yesterday Max came up to me while I was doing some gardening and said “Mommy, I need your help. I want to bury something.” So, I said “OK, what do you want to bury, is it the cat? Because we talked about this before and I told you what would happen.” He said “No, it’s not the cat. Or the Dog. But, It’s something very special to me and I have to let it go”. He is 6 years old. Six year old’s don’t talk like my kid talks, they don’t FEEL the kind of emotional depth that my kid feels. He’s like a little Buddha, I swear he inspires the hell out of me.

So, I start to dig the hole and he goes into the house to get this special “thing” that he needs to “let go”. (Sorry for all the quotation marks) It’s hot, I dig, I don’t mind because I am thinking to myself that this is gonna be good. Real good.

He walk out carrying his Thomas The Tank Engine original train, cradling it like it had accidentally drown in the tub and he was in shock at what he beheld. He was so tender and gentle, he laid Thomas down in the hole I had dug and quietly asked me to fill it in. I did, as he stood by and watched in silence. When Thomas was good and buried I said “Max, tell Mommy why you wanted to…” ….only to be interrupted by him as he shuushed me. He said “Mom, there is something I’d like to say. Thomas, Thank you for being my friend and playing with me for so many years. But, I am a big boy now, and it’s time that we say goodbye. So goodbye. Now I am going to play with Star Wars Jedi’s and that’s what big boys do. I will miss you.” I am speechless and wishing that I had a video camera on me at ALL TIMES, because this kid does some wild shit. He said “Mommy, would you like to say a few words?”. Can you believe this shit! So, I say” Thomas, thanks for making my boy so happy. But, I guess he’s growing up now and it’s time to move on. Rest in peace, and thanks for the memories”. Max put a flower on Thomas’ “grave” and declared himself a BIG BOY.

I told the BIG BOY that now that things are different and he has buried his “Baby-dom”, he needs to step up to the plate around the house. First thing on the list? Go take out the garbage.

Growing up, what a trip.

 

God Is More Than Just Dog Spelled Backwards April 17, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 2:28 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Max wrote a story for a Young Author’s competition being held at school. The instructions said that I should type the story word for word as he told it to me, which I did. This is his story:

Once upon a time God was just hanging around up in the sky. That’s where he lives, way high up in the sky past the birds and everything. He didn’t have anything to do that day and he was bored. He heard a big noise that went like “BOOM”. It scared him. There were space rocks dropping on his home. And God said “I have to make the Sun work”, because nobody was controlling the Sun. Then he had to make the Moon work too. Then he made Earth.

A little boy down on Earth said “Who is God?”. His Mommy said “He’s a powerful man, and he made us and he controls the Sun, the Moon and the Earth. He made all the planets and that’s all I know.” his Mom said. The little boy wanted to know more so he asked his Dad. His Dad said “He’s a powerful man, he’s very strong and he made us and every planet in the whole system in outer space and that’s all I know.” The little boy wanted to know more so he went to his cousin’s house and he asked one of his cousins “Do you know who God is?”. His cousin said “No, I don’t know anything about God. Go ask Grandpa.”.

So the little boy went to see his Grandpa, he called his Mom to drive him there. He asked his Grandpa the same question and his Grandpa said “I only know one answer to that question. And here it is. He lives in you”. And the Grandpa pointed to the little boys heart and said “God may live up in the sky, but he’s always in you too. Right here.”

The little boy went home that night and looked outside his window and he noticed the stars and one was shaped like a heart and God was holding it out to him. So, he went to sleep holding his heart-shaped star.

Up in the sky God said “Goodnight, to everybody in the world.”

by Max Jacobs

 

Idol Worship April 7, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:09 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I teach guitar on Tuesday nights at a studio in my house. I love it. I love that they come to me, that’s the best part. I used to go to them and what a pain that was. But, enough about me. Let’s talk about American Idol.

Last night I finished teaching, made myself some dinner and sat down in front of the TV (something I rarely do lately) and found myself watching American Idol (something I NEVER do). Sure, I watched the first few seasons but when they crowned Carrie Underwood an American Idol I lost my stamina. I gave up and stopped caring.It’s a popularity contest, not a talent contest. But, last night they were doing the songs of Lennon and McCartney so I decided to hang around and watch some 20 something “musicians” butcher some of the greatest songs ever written. Which they did. I hope Paul wasn’t watching.The kid at the end singing “Hey Jude” made my stomach turn. But, I regress. That is not why I am writing this post.

I am writing because the gloriously, perfectly alien-like Ryan Seacrest announces at the end of the show that they are looking for the first ever “American Idol Mom”. All I heard was you got to be over 21 and you have to be a Mom so I stood and proclaimed “That’s Me!” at the top of my lungs. Visions of Hollywood danced through my head as I milled over what I would sing for my audition. Should I do something current and poppy like an acoustic “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga? Or should I stick with my roots and pull out a mean “Bobby McGee”? They mentioned a website, I must go on that website and get this ball rolling. My public needs me, they are aching for me.

Reality is never as sexy as fantasy.

It’s a fucking SWEEPSTAKE! Yeah, joke is on me. Whatever. I got over it quickly, truthfully I don’t think the world is ready for my brand of genius. But, I kept reading. To enter this contest you have to write an essay of 300 words or less about why you deserve to be the Idol Mom, all the great things you’ve done, the demands of raising a child, the hardships and mountains you have climbed to get to the place you are now…blah, blah, blah. This is the kind of essay that someone else writes ABOUT you, not that you write by yourself and for yourself. If you write it yourself you may quickly fall into the “Look How Great I Am”, “I Have Been Through Hell And Back And Come Out The Other Side” kind of “Toot Toot (my own horn)” essay. But, being the fledgling writer that I am I decided to take on the challenge and give it a shot. These people need to be convinced that I deserve the free make-over and 2 tickets to the American Idol Finale in LA. I had to make my story sound desperate, filled with hardship and spirit. It should appear as a series of emotional and social hurdles that I clawed my way over with my bloodied fingernails. It would be bleak, but still be dotted with moments of hope and bliss that can make you cry and laugh at the same time. It would be brilliant.

I would need to get out the Thesaurus for this one.

And I did. And I thought about my plight to raise this “difficult” amazing kid, my struggles as a single Mom, my financial disparity and overall station in this world. And this is what I came up with. Ready?

I got it pretty good. Actually, I have no complaints, no sob story to tell, no great struggle to describe and begin to tug at the heartstrings of the random people who are “judging” this stupid contest. I realized for the first time in a while that I have got it made, and that despite an occasional gripe or beef, I couldn’t produce the kind of essay that would win this contest. I may need a vacation more than I need coffee in the morning, but there is someone out there whose got it worse. I take a step back and can see that despite the ADHD, despite being malignantly single, despite digging out spare change from the cushions of my couch just to put gas in the car…well, being me is all good. Being Max’s Mom trumps all the bad stuff, and I am truly grateful for what I have. I am a Mom Idol, I am Max’s Mom Idol. And, I know that sounds hokey and cliche but once you realize how important your job is, the sooner your internal volcano sleeps. And when that happens, everything falls into place. I can’t imagine anything better than seeing this boy turn into a man. It’s simple. It’s unconditional love. It’s Motherhood. It’s priceless.

Oh…best of luck to the other “American Idol Mom” contestants. Part of the prize money gets donated to a charity of your choice, $5000 to be exact. I suggest you choose any program that helps keep music in our schools. Let’s get our kids off Guitar Hero and on to playing the real thing. Music inspires, teaches and comforts us. After being Max’s Mom, it’s my next great love.

Goodnight all.

 

Mama did a bad, bad thing. But, you can’t die from lack of sleep can you? February 10, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Mad Max Stories,Occupational Therapy — Mindy Hester @ 9:37 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

When Max was born I was already on my own. Night feedings were brutal, the days passed in a cloud of sameness, routine and persistent body odor from lack of a single moment to take care of myself. I think back on it now as a year long acid trip, not a bad one, just a really exhausting one.

So when Max turned 4 years old we ditched the crib and bought the famed “BIG BOY BED”. What a landmark event, what an accomplishment. Then what a huge mistake I then made. One that I am paying for EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

It’s a mistake I am sure some of you out there are making on this very night. I did this: I tucked him into bed, snuggled up next to him and stayed with him until he fell asleep. I loved doing this, hearing the change in the pattern of his breathing as he finally drifted off. It was the best part of my day. But, in doing so I taught my son that the only way that he can comfort himself is with me right there next to him. He is now unable to find a safe, cozy place of his own to sleep, all by himself. I lost out on teaching him how to comfort himself, how to feel safe alone and how to be okay being alone.

Because of this, I have NOT slept alone since. Oh, there is no hot guy lying next to me, but a beautiful 5-year-old boy who can’t get comfortable without me. He falls asleep in his own bed but it’s not a few hours later when he crawls back into mine. I pick him up and put him back into his, he waits a few minutes and the process starts over again. It lasts all night. He can’t sleep without me, he is almost 6 years old. I am 40 and I am sleeping every night with a 5-year-old. With help from his OT we have tried lots of tricks:

1. I set up my camping tent right on top of his bed, made him a little hideie-hole. Didn’t work, came down 2 weeks later.

2. Charts, Charts, Charts!!!!!!! I am so sick of charts. The reward system didn’t work for this one. He still came into my bed even with the prospect of being able to go to Toys R Us and pick out anything in the store.

3. The taking away of his Lego’s- May I never have to live through that again, dear G-d. And if you know me, you know I went through some acute withdrawal myself on that one.

4. We put a light up picture frame by his bed with a picture of me. When he wakes up and misses me he reaches over, kisses the picture and goes back to sleep. Piece of Costco crap broke the first night.

5. Melatonin- works. Then he wakes up. You can’t double dose (I asked the pharmacist).

6. Now we are here: He has to ask permission to enter my bed. I am supposed to not utter a word, but get up and escort him back to his bed without speaking. This is where i am stuck. Damn, I’m tired and just want to sleep so 3/4 of the time i just roll over, let him in and go to sleep. Do you blame me? I mean, where’s my 6-8 hours? Bright eyed and bushy-tailed is folklore. Aesop got enough sleep. He was the last.

What do you do? How do you get the kid out of your bed when half the time you can’t stand it and the other half of the time it’s like heaven. Sweet dreams, Max. I hope the restraints I used tonight on you aren’t too tight. Give me a shout if they are, I’ll come loosen them.

Love,
Mommy

 

Mr. Jumpy According To Max February 2, 2010

Filed under: Mad Max Stories — Mindy Hester @ 1:24 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Max says that Mr. Jumpy comes and sneaks up behind him at school and tries to distract him in class. Max says to Mr. Jumpy “Go away! Not now! I am trying to work, it’s school!”. I asked what Mr. Jumpy looks like and Max says that he has crazy hair that sticks up all over, but it’s just normal brown not some crazy color. Mr. Jumpy wears a black suit with white pictures of people running all over it. At first Max told me that Mr. Jumpy doesn’t wear any shoes and then he changed his mind and said that Mr. Jumpy only wears running shoes. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Sometimes Max calls him “Mr. Jumpy Hairdo Man” on account of the crazy hair. I don’t know about you, but I am picturing that crazy “imaginary friend” that Phoebe Cates had in the movie Drop Dead Fred.

Max says Mr. Jumpy is okay when he asks him to go away, that he understands. And, it’s cool because Max can call him anytime he wants because his phone number is (847) 480- JUMPY.

I am a bit tossed between being so proud that my amazing kid can conceptualize his ADHD and “talk to it”, ask it to go away when he knows that he needs it to. But, slightly concerned my kid has an imaginary friend with a worse case of ADHD than he does and needs a stylist and a haircut. We went to Tae Kwon Do last night and Max asked Mr. Jumpy to stay in the car. I was watching class and Max was being slightly more hyper than usual. After class he whispered to me “Mr. Jumpy must have snuck out of the car when we weren’t looking”. Am I now the single parent of 2 kids?

 

Note To Self: Jan. 23, 2010 January 23, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 4:08 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Mindy,

Hi. I Wanted to remind you of the following things. Don’t forget them. I emailed them to you so that you’d have them written down because I know you and your forgetfulness.  I also know you and your many “To Do Lists” that never get “To-Do’d” but that’s a whole different show. So, here we go.

Don’t forget:

1. Your child is unable, not unwilling to do some of the things you ask of him. So, take a deep breath and try not to get so frustrated.

2. Your child has courage.

3. And, yes, you have courage.

4. Your child can’t do this alone, so turn off the computer, cell phone, TV…whatever. Go find out what he’s doing. No, seriously. Go find out what he’s doing because I hear an odd sound coming from the next room.

5. Your child is brave and not a coward.

6. Your child is not lazy, in fact he uses enormous energy just to get through the day.

7. Your child has a tender heart, you know that within his sometimes aggressive heart beats your baby boy.

8. Your child has many abilities and is smarter than he thinks.

9. Your child has a special need for love and your attention and you’ve got to give it to him, when he needs it. Even if it gets in your way.

10. Look deep within yourself and find patience. I swear it’s in there, you’ve just got to dig around a little.

11. Trust you instincts.  No one knows your child better than you.

12. Prepare to feel guilty about the amount of time you are going to spend helping your child compared to time with other family & friends. Then get over it and get on with the job.

13. Don’t freaking fall apart. Take some time for yourself every once and a while to re-group and re-charge. But, don’t go shopping because we totally can’t afford it. (example: Sundance Catalog purchase last week online for undisclosed amount)

AND….

14.  You need to re-direct your thinking.

15. You need to re-direct your thinking.

16. You need to re-direct your thinking.

17. You need to re-direct your thinking.

18. You need to re-direct your thinking.

19. Never forget this…..There have to be cracks in everything. How else is the light supposed to come in?

Love always, even though I don’t say it enough…

Mindy

 

Oops! I did it again, and again, and again…..with Legos. January 20, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:46 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word obsession as the follows:

Ob~ses~sion n. 1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or emotion, often accompanied with anxiety and frustration. v. To preoccupy the mind excessively.

I mean, who isn’t obsessed with SOMETHING? I love the show “Mad Men” and “True Blood”, for instance. I also love  reading,  Martin Guitars, brand new Sharpie pens, Jared Leto and the Khao Soy Kai w/Chicken from Thai Thai in Deerfield ( (847) 564-5999, tell them I sent you)  I’ve got obsessed friends and family too! My Dad would just lose his mind if they stopped making Nivea Lotion, Deidre would go ape shit if coffee was suddenly listed as a Schedule C Illegal Drug and I am not sure how my Mom would handle it if The Lifetime Channel went off the air. My friend Selena hasn’t met a pair of shoes she didn’t like and her brother’s ability to recite every single line of dialogue in the Godfather Trilogy is mind-numbing. This is an innate human characteristic. We’ve all got a little obsession in us.

I, however, hit the Mother-lode.  The following image may be harmful and disturbing to some younger viewers. Parental Discretion is advised. What you are about to see is the culmination of over 100 hours of back-breaking, painstakingly intricate work….done by an obsessed, deranged and commiserable geek.

Yeah, you’re right. They’re Lego’s. Simple, plastic Lego toys that have been around since the dawn of toy. You follow the directions, put together the ship or boat or whatever the hell you bought and then the project is complete. That’s the way the “normies” do it. That’s the way most Moms do it when presented with a brand new Lego ship in a box and an adorable 5-year-old looking up at you and saying “Mommy, can you put this together for me…please?”. And that is the way it started. Max received his first Star Wars Lego ship about 9 months ago. He had seen his friend Grant’s  collection and wanted one of his own so I went out and got one. The first “build” (that’s Lego lingo for the art of making these creations) was fun. It was a small ship and took no time at all. I actually quite enjoyed myself and was proud of that work.

Well, the ships kept on coming, and the “builds” got harder and harder. But as they got harder and more frequent I found a quite, zen-like power while working. I was able to zone out and take a well deserved mental break during these times. And it was energizing.  I literally got a rush from making these ridiculous non-recyclable novelties. But, I just couldn’t stop. And Max and I were having a ball putting together ship after ship, watching the movies and reading all the books.

I have always loved Star Wars. A bit of an “obsession” if you don’t mind me using the term. But since Max and I have got into Star Wars Lego’s, we have both gone off the deep end. And it is all my fault. I have turned my intelligent, playful little boy into a building zombie, working for hours on end on this ship or that, barely coming up to the surface for bathroom breaks and dinner and, this is the worst, waking up as early as 5:00 am and going directly downstairs to play with Lego’s. The worst is (and I am going to get kind of serious now) is that he is alienating his friends when they come to play when, heaven forbid, they want to play something besides Lego’s. This is actually bringing him to tears.  He is talking about it constantly, Star Wars seems to be the only thing we talk about anymore. And he’s not the only nut in the house! No! Yeah, I am so protective of the ships I made that I cringe when someone even breathes on one, I actually took pictures of my progress  putting together the Death Star and posted them on Facebook like they were a new baby to show off. And the worst part is this; I have taken the “important” mini-men (you know, like Darth Vader, The Silver Stormtrooper, Princess Leia in the Slave outfit, little Anakin…) and I have been HIDING them from my own son! I have hoarded them all for myself like they are treasures. Max recently discovered my stash and said to me “But, Mommy, why would you hide these from me?”.

I confess this insane story to you tonight not as a warning to diversify your hobbies, or to get out there and get a social life. I am telling it to you because of this: My son is learning all there is to know about life and how to be a good human being by watching what is nearest and dearest to him; me. My story may be silly, but Max is at an age when making friends is so very important, and he just had a play date with a perfectly terrific kid who he literally ignored. Why? Because he just couldn’t put down the Lego’s for even a second. Why? Because he’s seen Mommy do the same thing.

The Chicago Tribune reported today that the “Young people now devote an average of 7 hours, 38 minutes to daily media use, or about 53 hours a week — more than a full-time job.” That almost 8 hours of watching TV, surfing the web, playing video games and texting. 8 HOURS! So, as of tomorrow, our house is going on a Lego fast. While Max is sleeping I am going to take all the Legos and store them up, clear the house of the distraction. Tomorrow morning will be hell, but I have faith that we can make it one week Lego free. We will come together once again as a vibrant, creative home and I can walk free and barefoot without fear of injury from a misplaced floor score. After the week is up I plan to slowly re-introduce Star Wars Lego’s back into our lives in small healthy doses, little teasers to remind us of how much we do still love it.

I hope to get my home back in order, I hope to stop lying in bed thinking if I put a fucking  droid cannon together correctly and I hope, most importantly, to get my son back. May the Force be with you.

Mindy & Max

 

So, this is what happened. January 18, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories — Mindy Hester @ 5:15 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Thing is, I really don’t need to tell you how Max was. I mean, he had a terrific time and it definitely wasn’t free of  incident. We can’t perform miracles overnight. The one who I should write about is me.

You see, I walked into the situation already mentally destroying any chance it  becoming a positive one. I had worked through every possible scenario, role-played every feasible shenanigans and before the car was even packed I had delivered a verdict of CHAOS. The trip was doomed from the start.

And I did my best to keep that going. I did it all. I fretted and worried about every move the kid was making, and I was making it a horrible trip for the both of us.

Kurt Cobain once said (Yeah, I AM quoting Kurt Cobain) that “Waiting to be someone else is a waste of the person you really are.” The reason that I am having anxiety & panic attacks taking my son into public places is MY fault, not his. I realized this weekend (with help from a dear friend and observer) that I am the one who needs to change. It doesn’t have to be this hard. I am making this so hard and it is just breaking my heart. So I am making a pact with my spirit. To change. Because the experiences I go through with this amazing boy are only as disastrous as I make them.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Mindy

Yes….it’s another quote below. Just get used to it, I like quotes

“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”

-Joseph Campbell

From now on, I will practice to be always more "Jerry-Like".

 

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.