Mindy and Max's True Life

about coping with ADHD, single motherhood and unconditional love for your child.

Top Ten Reasons To Stop Max’s Strattera… July 5, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love — Mindy Hester @ 9:57 am
Tags: , , , , , ,
My sweet, kind, loving little man.

My sweet, kind, loving little man. I want him back.

1. I hate you, Mommy!
2. I wish you would go to the hospital and DIE!
3. You are the stupidest Mom, EVER!
4. I hate this house!
5. I hate my life, it is the worst life anyone could ever have, I wish I wasn’t alive.
6. I can’t do it, I can’t do anything right, I am so stupid!
7. I have no friends, nobody wants to be my friend.
8. I HATE YOU MOMMY!!! (add kick, bite, spit and hit)
9. I have the stupidest most boring life ever.
10. I am so sad….Mommy, why am I always so sad?

These past 2 1/2 weeks have been a nightmare, a sad and terrifying B-movie where some very angry and frustrated alien being has taken over my son’s body and mind. I want to help my son so badly, there is nothing I wouldn’t try. So when his doctor suggested a non-stimulant, I said let’s give it a go. I thought to myself that if we can aliviate his ADHD symptoms, help him bear some of his Sensory Processing “quirks” and get him to eat and sleep WITHOUT having to take Speed everyday, then I’m in.

Reality Check: This round of medication has been the worst yet. The side effects are horrifying. I have cried, screamed, laughed and at times felt so overloaded with emotion I felt like a crashed computer. Thank you to my close friends and family who have seen us through this. This “experiment” with the non-stimulant ADHD drug Strattera is OVER. Bring back the crack! I want my son back.

From the Official Strattera Website www.strattera.com:

” In some children and teens, Strattera increases the risk of suicidal thoughts. A combined analysis of 12 studies of Strattera showed that in children and teens, 4 out of every 1000 patients developed suicidal thoughts, although no suicides occurred. A similar analysis in adults treated with Strattera did not reveal an increased risk of suicidal thoughts. Call your doctor right away if your child has thoughts of suicide or sudden changes in mood or behavior, especially at the beginning of treatment or after a change in dose. Tell your doctor about any family history of bipolar illness (manic-depressive illness) or suicidal thoughts or actions before starting Strattera. Call the doctor right away if your child develops new psychological symptoms such as abnormal thoughts/behaviors and/or extreme elevated or irritable moods while taking Strattera.

Really? No shit.

Oh, and P.S……..it doesn’t work.

 

The Tank Of Death: A Human Analogy June 26, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 4:44 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hello my friends, family, strangers and those just passing through on their way to something more important. This is my first post in quite some time and I need to write it. Things have been rough, I mean not “death, disease and famine” rough, but rough none the less. I’m a single Mom of a 6 year old amazing little man who just happens to have ADHD and some sensory issues. That is definitely NOT what he is all about. If you’ve read this blog before, you may very well know that we have tried a multitude of different medications and therapies, some worked while others didn’t. At the moment, we are into our second week with the non-stimulant Straterra. Yeah, it’s true what they all say about the non-stimulants…….they do not work. But, I am willing to give it some more time, because at this point I am willing to do just about anything for this little boy.

The Tank Of Death analogy is about me. I have a hobby keeping guppies, and I won this great new tank at my favorite fish store, Fish Planet in Deerfield. I set it up, let it cycle (fish talk for “let it settle”) and added some fish which immediately died. This goes on for weeks, I add fish, they die, I go see Steve at Fish Planet, he gives me some magic potion which I use, fish still die, I get new fish, they die…….you see where this is going. It was The Tank Of Death. I tried everything, but still it killed all who touched it’s waters. Meanwhile, I don’t notice that between all this stress with Max, work, money…yada yada…I have retreated into myself again and have stopped talking. Not your normal everyday talking, but really “talking” to anyone. The wall was up, it was keeping me propped up against it and as long as I stayed upright and breathing I was going to be okay. But, I wasn’t okay. The stress of my life was getting to me and turning me toxic. My thoughts were becoming toxic. I started to yell. I hate to yell. I hated what I felt like.

Steve at Fish Planet finally gave me the plan to cleanse the Tank Of Death once and for all. Take out all living items, Add 1/2 cup of pure bleach, let it filter overnight, add a dechlorinate and that should rid the tank of what was making it so toxic. I did it. I added the bleach, I let it run for 24 hours and when the time was up my TOD (Tank of Death) had blossomed into a TOL (Tank of Life). It now thrives. And, in the process of ridding evil from my tank I decided that it was time to rid it from me. I decided to meditate on something the Buddha had once said ..

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly”

Funny thing, it worked. Take a deep breath, make a decision and then do it. An attitude adjustment doesn’t require bleach or chemicals, just kind, positive thoughts. And hope. A full cup of hope.

 

Where have I been? Good question. June 15, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 2:01 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

And, I do intend to answer it. Just not now, at 3 am after spending a great night with old friends. But, I am inspired to begin again by a line from a fantastic new novel by the esteemed playwright and novelist Brooke Berman who quotes Ann Carlson saying ” Make the work that delights you, the work you want to see.”. I have forgotten this and have spent the last few months wrapped up in mind games, responsibilities and panic. It ends now.

Just not tonight.

Time for bed.

And..it’s good to be back.

 

God Is More Than Just Dog Spelled Backwards April 17, 2010

Filed under: Love,Mad Max Stories,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 2:28 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Max wrote a story for a Young Author’s competition being held at school. The instructions said that I should type the story word for word as he told it to me, which I did. This is his story:

Once upon a time God was just hanging around up in the sky. That’s where he lives, way high up in the sky past the birds and everything. He didn’t have anything to do that day and he was bored. He heard a big noise that went like “BOOM”. It scared him. There were space rocks dropping on his home. And God said “I have to make the Sun work”, because nobody was controlling the Sun. Then he had to make the Moon work too. Then he made Earth.

A little boy down on Earth said “Who is God?”. His Mommy said “He’s a powerful man, and he made us and he controls the Sun, the Moon and the Earth. He made all the planets and that’s all I know.” his Mom said. The little boy wanted to know more so he asked his Dad. His Dad said “He’s a powerful man, he’s very strong and he made us and every planet in the whole system in outer space and that’s all I know.” The little boy wanted to know more so he went to his cousin’s house and he asked one of his cousins “Do you know who God is?”. His cousin said “No, I don’t know anything about God. Go ask Grandpa.”.

So the little boy went to see his Grandpa, he called his Mom to drive him there. He asked his Grandpa the same question and his Grandpa said “I only know one answer to that question. And here it is. He lives in you”. And the Grandpa pointed to the little boys heart and said “God may live up in the sky, but he’s always in you too. Right here.”

The little boy went home that night and looked outside his window and he noticed the stars and one was shaped like a heart and God was holding it out to him. So, he went to sleep holding his heart-shaped star.

Up in the sky God said “Goodnight, to everybody in the world.”

by Max Jacobs

 

Cival Unrest In A Guppy Tank? April 10, 2010

Filed under: Love — Mindy Hester @ 5:49 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

After hearing today’s terrible news out of Poland, I went into my home office in the wee hours this morning to pull up some details on the web. This is such a tragedy for Poland and it’s people, I hope everyone takes a moment tonight to send a prayer their way.

So news of a murdered fish may sound a bit trite to you right now,but that is what I have come to report. I saw it happen with my own eyes and am wondering now what I could have done to prevent this bloodshed. As I sat in the early morning hours, the eerie glow of my computer screen the only illumination in the room, I glanced at the large tank beside me holding my adult fancy guppies. It’s a 20 gallon tank and has got 10 fish. But normally in the early morning I can peek in and they are all asleep. Yes, fish sleep. They hang out around the bottom real still like and sleep. If you turn the light on they wake up, all “Hey, what’s going on! Man, I was sleeping. Whatever” like and get on with their day. But when I glanced over this morning there was serious action going on down at the bottom. There was a pile up going on, there was a rumble. It was 9 against one and it looked like a clip you’d see during Shark Week of a feeding frenzy. 9 of these fancy little pretty fish were going at this one on the bottom, knocking their bodies into him and throwing him against the glass. It was brutal to watch, I was just sitting there stunned and unable to fully process what I was seeing be it that I hadn’t had my coffee yet. The pummeling lasted about 3 minutes, I tried to intervene with the net but the tank is huge and deep and before you know it the poor little guy is floating peacefully to the bottom, sleeping the sleep of the fishes. (Sorry about that last line. I know it was a lame, cheap joke but what am I if not lame and cheap.)

Guppy owners! What just happened? What prompted this social unrest? Did the fish get a little too big for his britches and the gang decided to take him out? Was it just “his time” and they were doing the kindness of a euthanasia-type beating? Was it a Guppy Mosh Pit gone out of control? If anyone knows what happened to my poor little Purple Dragon Male Guppy this morning ,please explain it to me. I feel like I need to call the Guppy UN for a mediation. Comments, questions and outrage is most welcomed.

And to those readers who follow my blog, I have news. Sticking with the concept of bully and victim, my son and his “bully” at school have been getting along better. There have been no incidents and I thought things were on the up and up. The kid just sent out invitations for his birthday party and included all the kids in the class EXCEPT for Max. Max doesn’t know this, but I do. I guess it’s his party and he’s got a right to invite or not to invite whoever he wants, I just hope my little man doesn’t find out he wasn’t included. He was under the impression that he and this boy were starting to become friends. Maybe that’s what the little male guppy thought too as his tank mates beat him to death.

Sometimes we have no idea what’s really going on until we end up floating to the bottom of the tank.

 

Idol Worship April 7, 2010

Filed under: ADHD Facts & Opinions,Love,Mad Max Stories,Mad Mindy Stories,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 9:09 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I teach guitar on Tuesday nights at a studio in my house. I love it. I love that they come to me, that’s the best part. I used to go to them and what a pain that was. But, enough about me. Let’s talk about American Idol.

Last night I finished teaching, made myself some dinner and sat down in front of the TV (something I rarely do lately) and found myself watching American Idol (something I NEVER do). Sure, I watched the first few seasons but when they crowned Carrie Underwood an American Idol I lost my stamina. I gave up and stopped caring.It’s a popularity contest, not a talent contest. But, last night they were doing the songs of Lennon and McCartney so I decided to hang around and watch some 20 something “musicians” butcher some of the greatest songs ever written. Which they did. I hope Paul wasn’t watching.The kid at the end singing “Hey Jude” made my stomach turn. But, I regress. That is not why I am writing this post.

I am writing because the gloriously, perfectly alien-like Ryan Seacrest announces at the end of the show that they are looking for the first ever “American Idol Mom”. All I heard was you got to be over 21 and you have to be a Mom so I stood and proclaimed “That’s Me!” at the top of my lungs. Visions of Hollywood danced through my head as I milled over what I would sing for my audition. Should I do something current and poppy like an acoustic “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga? Or should I stick with my roots and pull out a mean “Bobby McGee”? They mentioned a website, I must go on that website and get this ball rolling. My public needs me, they are aching for me.

Reality is never as sexy as fantasy.

It’s a fucking SWEEPSTAKE! Yeah, joke is on me. Whatever. I got over it quickly, truthfully I don’t think the world is ready for my brand of genius. But, I kept reading. To enter this contest you have to write an essay of 300 words or less about why you deserve to be the Idol Mom, all the great things you’ve done, the demands of raising a child, the hardships and mountains you have climbed to get to the place you are now…blah, blah, blah. This is the kind of essay that someone else writes ABOUT you, not that you write by yourself and for yourself. If you write it yourself you may quickly fall into the “Look How Great I Am”, “I Have Been Through Hell And Back And Come Out The Other Side” kind of “Toot Toot (my own horn)” essay. But, being the fledgling writer that I am I decided to take on the challenge and give it a shot. These people need to be convinced that I deserve the free make-over and 2 tickets to the American Idol Finale in LA. I had to make my story sound desperate, filled with hardship and spirit. It should appear as a series of emotional and social hurdles that I clawed my way over with my bloodied fingernails. It would be bleak, but still be dotted with moments of hope and bliss that can make you cry and laugh at the same time. It would be brilliant.

I would need to get out the Thesaurus for this one.

And I did. And I thought about my plight to raise this “difficult” amazing kid, my struggles as a single Mom, my financial disparity and overall station in this world. And this is what I came up with. Ready?

I got it pretty good. Actually, I have no complaints, no sob story to tell, no great struggle to describe and begin to tug at the heartstrings of the random people who are “judging” this stupid contest. I realized for the first time in a while that I have got it made, and that despite an occasional gripe or beef, I couldn’t produce the kind of essay that would win this contest. I may need a vacation more than I need coffee in the morning, but there is someone out there whose got it worse. I take a step back and can see that despite the ADHD, despite being malignantly single, despite digging out spare change from the cushions of my couch just to put gas in the car…well, being me is all good. Being Max’s Mom trumps all the bad stuff, and I am truly grateful for what I have. I am a Mom Idol, I am Max’s Mom Idol. And, I know that sounds hokey and cliche but once you realize how important your job is, the sooner your internal volcano sleeps. And when that happens, everything falls into place. I can’t imagine anything better than seeing this boy turn into a man. It’s simple. It’s unconditional love. It’s Motherhood. It’s priceless.

Oh…best of luck to the other “American Idol Mom” contestants. Part of the prize money gets donated to a charity of your choice, $5000 to be exact. I suggest you choose any program that helps keep music in our schools. Let’s get our kids off Guitar Hero and on to playing the real thing. Music inspires, teaches and comforts us. After being Max’s Mom, it’s my next great love.

Goodnight all.

 

An Obituary. April 3, 2010

Filed under: Funny Shit,Love,Spirit — Mindy Hester @ 12:31 pm
Tags: , , , ,

In Loving Memory…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their own children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home, and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled some in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Thanks to my Dad for his undying common sense.

 

Mother’s Day March 27, 2010

Filed under: Love,Spirit,Welcome! — Mindy Hester @ 8:43 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

at the beach 2009

My #1 Guy.


Today’s the Fourth of July.
Another June has gone by.
And when they light up my town I just think what a waste of gunpowder and sky.

I’m certain I am alone.
And harboring thoughts of our home.
It’s one of my faults that I can’t quell my past, I ought to have gotten it gone.

Oh, baby, I wonder if when you are older, someday.
You’ll wake up, and say “My God!” I should have told her. What would it take.
But, now here I am and the world’s gotten colder.
And she’s got the river, down which I sold her.

Always reminds me of myself, my adoption, my birth mother and what she must have gone through to give up her baby. I can’t imagine. I was just thinking of her tonight. We lost touch. I’m not sure if she’s even still here. Might as well take the chance, huh? Deborah Bean, Columbus Ohio.

Goodnight to all the amazing Mom’s out there, who inspire me to be a better woman, a better person and a better Mom.

 

And another one bites the dust…. March 25, 2010

Filed under: Love — Mindy Hester @ 8:50 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

..and another ones gone, and another ones gone…another one bites the dust. Okay, enough recitation of Queen song lyrics. The “one” who is biting the dust now is an ADHD drug called Focalin. It’s gone. I mean gone..gone. I know that I have posted before about the way this drug turns my son into Barbara Stanwyck on an emotional menopausal monologue. But, the Focalin also turned him into a little violent gnome whose impulsivity was shocking to both his teachers and I. This whole idea of impulsivity is what we are fighting against. He just CAN’T hold himself back from doing something his brain is telling him that he MUST do. Touch a classmate, get up in the middle of a lesson and dance around and, no joke, bend down and lick the floor. I haven’t seen this happen in person and I don’t want to. I will take his teachers word for it. I have to admit that after being bullied for a few weeks by a new kid in class I was a bit proud that last week when he was getting pushed around and he defended himself. Yes, he defended himself by sinking his teeth into the kids shoulder, but maybe now we just need to work on the appropriate course of action. But, (and edit this if you may be offended by superfluous use of vulgar language….Fuck Yeah, Max. Way to stand up for yourself. The kid took YOUR ball. And you used YOUR balls to get it back.) I am against violence, I hope you all know that, but proud of my son for standing up for himself. It’s a good step for him.

We are going to go back to the Daytrana Patch, which is a Ritalin extended release patch. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. In closing I just have to say this: I was hesitant…WAY scared and hesitant about putting a little 5-year-old boy on this kind of medication. But, by God, it’s working. He is reading. He is doing math. He is looking me in the eye when I talk to him and I can tell that he is “there”. For all the Mom’s and Dad’s out there on the fence about this just remember one thing: We are their lifeline, we are their support. And it is our job to do absolutely EVERYTHING in our power to help them succeed. If your son or daughter couldn’t see you would get them glasses, right?

Thanks for listening. And, a word to the Right Wing Tea-Bagging Health Care Reform Bashing “Americans”…. Stop throwing bricks and leaving threatening messages on the voice mails of members of our government. You try to compare your plight to that of the Civil Rights movement but you have missed a major point. See, those brave souls who fought segregation and racism in the 60′s didn’t hide behind a mask. They were out there, getting arrested, getting attacked by police dogs and in the case of Kent State…losing their lives. You “spitters” and “brick throwers” are just cowards. If it means so much to you….show your face. You advocate pro-life, but threaten the lives of the children of government leaders who support the Health Care Bill. Who is the asshole now?

 

Sticks & Stones March 9, 2010

Filed under: Love — Mindy Hester @ 12:05 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You know, it hasn’t been fun the last few days. I’ve been sick, I lost a dear friend and now I am dealing with something so close to my heart that just thinking about it makes me well up. My son, who has ADHD and Sensory Issues…is being picked on, harassed..whatever you want to call it, by a “bully” at school. It is breaking my heart. He comes home from school in tears and I just feel so helpless. I hate feeling helpless, it weakens me.

There’s a kid in class. He’s not shy, but a real ball buster-tell it like it is-really strong identity and has an aggressive personality. Let me remind you that he is 5 years old and actually gave me “the hand” and said “Whatever” to me once at a birthday party. Me! Not another kid, but an adult. He’s super smart and clever, he’s got balls and also a mouth with a mean streak and he is aiming it at my son. He’s making Max cry. He is seeing this behavior in Max, this Mr. Jumpy, and because he isn’t understanding it he is hurting my son with his ignorance. I honestly don’t think that he is doing it maliciously, I just think he sees Max bouncing around the room and because he has the kind of personality that he has, a personality void of any semblance of a filter, he’s calling it like he sees it and happens to be doing it in front of the other kids. He tries to get the other kids to not be friends with Max, he calls him a “baby”, “weirdo” and “retarded”. He pushes him down both physically and verbally and my kid is just taking it all in and believing it. Max is believing it all. Max is having a rough go at it and it’s effecting him like physical abuse. He told me that it makes him feel “small”. Fuck that. If nobody is allowed to put “Baby in the corner”, then this kid is NOT allowed to make my baby feel like he’s in a corner.

A parenting website describes the situation like this: “This child bullies others and can be quite a manipulator. He/she is frequently involved in name calling and likes to make fun of others. He/she will antagonize others, involves him/herself in fighting or instigating fights or arguments and belittling others. The bully is described as being ‘insensitive’ to others. He/she likes to solve problems by winning fights and arguments. Aggressive children often threaten others. Other students will fear the bully as he/she will be both verbally and physically aggressive. The bully loves power, is dominant and is usually guiltless. The bully tends to be lacking in empathy and compassion.”. They also have a long list of the lifetime effects that can stay with a kid who is bullied. I won’t list them. I just can’t. I have to be compassionate for this kid and know that there is some reason he does this and that he’s not a “bad” kid, just one who doesn’t understand the way Max ticks. But, These kids are 5 YEARS OLD! Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. This ends NOW. I told Max that I talked to this kids Mom and the smile on his face grew like the Cheshire Cat. I asked him ” Are you happy that he will stop bothering you, or are you happy because you know that he is now going to get in trouble?” Take a guess at his answer.

I pray tonight that courage, strength, compassion and confidence always live inside my beautiful son, and that he learns from this the necessity to listen to your heart and know your authentic, amazing self. If we don’t love ourselves, who is going to love us back? (Wow, Note To Self: Maybe Mommy needs to take her own advice).

To the kid who is doing this to Max I say only this…Watch your thoughts, they become your words; Watch your words, they become your actions; Watch your actions, they become your habits; Watch your habits, because they become your character.

To Max I say just this…“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”

As David Byrne once said so eloquently and so long ago, “I hate people when they’re not polite”.

Be good.

 

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 156 other followers