You see it a lot in kids living with ADD/ADHD other learning or social differences…low self esteem and lack of confidence. I see it in my beautiful son, and as a Mom it is heartbreaking. Without dealing with the issue quickly can lead to much more serious concerns for our little guys like depression and even worse. It’s hard enough being a kid, but add to mix that you may act a bit different at times and have a harder time with things at school considered “simple” to other classmates (like staying in your seat, completing an assignment or even just refraining from spontaneously breaking into his impression of Freddie Mercury singing Fat Bottomed Girls) and your kid becomes a target. He may become the “weirdo” or he may become the “class clown”. Either way he gets singled out and the label is hard to shake.
My boy takes everything so personally, he is so sensitive and I love him for that. But, every time he disrupts the class with an impulsive word or action cause by Mr. Jumpy (something, mind you, he cannot control) he feels more and more like he is “stupid, always doing everything wrong and/or always the one getting in trouble”. This has been beating him down harder that anything ADHD has thrown at us so far. There is nothing worse than hearing the words “I can’t do anything, I am so stupid and no one likes me” from your child’s lips.
My son has been having some issues at school but it’s getting better every day. He is on a magic streak right now and practically on fire at school, just having amazing days that we used to dream about. I signed him up for a few after school enrichment programs at school, just 2 days a week. They were fun sounding classes ( “Sharks and Dangers Of The Deep”, and “Tennis”). We are 3 weeks into the session and yesterday I made the decision to allow Max to ( insert GASP!) QUIT the programs. Yes, I am letting him drop out and quit, something, which I have tried so hard to teach him NOT too do. Max’s days at school are very long, and very hard. And, even though he is on his medication, which does wonders all day long, by 3:30 that Vyvanse is starting to end it’s work day and go home. So during his after school classes Mr. Jumpy starts to poke his head out and say “Whazzzaup!!!, time to get this party started!”. As you can guess,he is misbehaving but nothing outrageous, just typical Mr. Jumpy high jinx. The instructors (I won’t call them teachers because I am so angry and want to blatantly dis them because revenge feels good sometimes), these instructors don’t seem to know much about ADHD and how to deal with it in a classroom setting. Max is getting disciplined, reprimanded, punished with not being able to participate and not getting prizes when the whole class does, and..wait for it…was called STUPID in front of the other kids. Don’t get me started on the last one.
The point is, my boy is excelling all day long in school, where every day he starts to believe in himself more and more and hearing him say “I can’t do anything right!” has become a thing of the past. So, to then go into a situation where he is back to being the kid who constantly gets yelled at is counter productive to what his teachers, therapists and myself are trying to do. Which is show Max that he is a KICK ASS FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!
So, we quit.
I want Max, and all his life experiences big or small, to reaffirm to him his awesomeness. And I want everything that goes on at his school (which is pretty kick ass as well) to remain positive and peaceful. We must be our child’s spiritual advocate as well as champions. I never thought I would let my kid quit a class or activity because I was always against what I thought he would learn from doing it, that if something gets a little hard…just quit. But, this time is different, this time we quit with purpose and won’t look back. As adults we try to surround ourselves with people and friends who have positive healthy influences on our lives. We MUST do the same for our kids. Know who the instructors of your children’s after school activities are, know their philosophies and experience teaching these gifted and special kids. Ask questions, raise hell if need be to keep the fire stoked inside your amazing kids heart so they never forget the KICK ASS FORCE they can and always will be.
Now get out there and kick some ass. May the force be with you.
Mindy Hester
SocialVibe